34 year old virgin...well I was
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34 year old virgin...well I was

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Old 04-21-09, 01:18 AM   #1
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Default 34 year old virgin...well I was

I've posted threads before, ranting about my hatred of guys while still being attracted to them. I watched the 40 year old virgin movie and used to have nightmares about how that would be me. I use to cry to my mum and my closest friend asking them what was wrong with me? Now I wish I was still a virgin. Last week I lost my virginity to a stranger and now I feel as though I no longer know myself at all. I let myself down so much and can't understand how I could of been so stupid. I know it sounds stupid but I always approached the idea of sex like going to the dentist, not something I was looking forward to but something that I had to do. Now it's done and to make matters worse it was unprotected sex, I'm worried I'm pregnant (I have really bad luck), that I got std's or aids. What little enjoyment I got out of the experience had crashed under fresh worries and self hatred. I'm old enough I should of known better, he wasn't the first guy to try to sleep with me, guys have been trying since I was fourteen. I don't know why I didn't stop.

I know it's no excuse but I think I didn't stop because my mum's going in for her brain surgery soon and I was so worried and so dead inside. Now because I'm catholic I feel as though I've let down my God, my mum and myself. Dreams of giving it to someone who atleast liked me have gone out the window and even though the experience wasn't as worse I expected and better than I hoped for...a one night stand isn't something I would repeat in a hurry. I feel less attractive than I have ever felt and feel really unsure about myself. Atleast if I did it with a boyfriend he could of lied to me and told me how beautiful I was after, a stranger just leaves and now I feel even less lovable. I'm not placing all the blame on him, it's not his fault...although I wish he did wear a condom. I took the morning after pill but I took it 28 hours later and I don't know if that was too late. If I'm pregnant and not married my brothers will rip me apart and most of my family will shun me.
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Old 04-21-09, 02:10 AM   #2
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You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply, as time goes by.

In saying this, courtesy of Frank Sinatra, I mean that we lose sight of what is a little bad, and what is calamitous. So you did it. You accomplished a goal of yours, and well, that was all you did. I'm not trying to say your pain and regret are not valid. I'm just saying that once yours fears are appeased that you are not pregnant, and you are not dealing with a venereal disease, you will make amends as is appropriate to your faith and have just learned a lesson. Some things are worth being guilt ridden about for all of eternity. Perhaps I'm wrong, but in time I think you will realize that this is not one of those issues. You are 34. You are an adult and you are in charge of your affairs. You have nobody you must explain yourself to or ask forgiveness of besides God, as you see fit to confess. You will find with the right partner in time that this one experience is only worth forgetting, and you have much brighter things ahead.

As to your timing with the morning after pill, the following website says take it within 72 hours of unprotected sex. Then with this pill there is a second dose you need to take later. I don't know which type of morning after pill you took. It may tell you this information on the pill packaging, or you can do a web search to find out more.

Plan B | Morning After Pill | Emergency Contraceptive | Birth Control Prices
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Old 04-21-09, 03:30 AM   #3
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You're right I won't lie a part of me is glad it's done...like a weight taken of my shoulders. I can't say I don't wish it was done in different circumstances but it's something I will come to terms with, deep down I'm the same and it hasn't taken away any of my values. Saying that though I wish I was more careful, so all this worrying I've done could have been spared but I guess I can't cry over it.

I took two morning after pills at once as suggested by the lady at the pharmacy, so fingers crossed...I would love to have a child but not yet.
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