I'm almost 40 years old and I now realize my mother does not have the capacity to be a mother. I try to be patient with her and treat her with respect despite everything.
- I'm the only child (Thank GOD!) My grandmother raised me up until the time she passed away and I was eleven years old when she passed. I moved in with my mother because I had no choice. (Sorry I just wanted to add some back context)
List of reasons why my mother should not be a MOM:
- When I was about 8 years old she allowed an older cousin of mines to watch me and he was 5 years older. He fed me 2 glasses of vodka and orange juice, telling me it was medicine. Like an idiot, I drunk the conconction which landed me in the hospital for 3 days. My family made fun of the incident, even though I thought I was going to die that night. I was interviewed by people who consider taking me away from her. My mother and I never spoke about this incident.
-This older cousin also sexually abused me, but I never told anyone. This is something I may take with me to the grave. Currently, this cousin is in jail. This is the same cousin that fed me vodka/orange juice. I spent a lot of time around him. If I expose him, my family will ostracize me even further. I'm military and don't interact with my family that much, so they think I'm not a part of the family.
- My mother chased behind different men. She always had a men living with us. I never spent alone time with any of the men except one. He never tried anything but I can recall countless times being left in a car with Michael Jackson playing to keep me entertain as she visited these men at work for hours. I remember being left in the car for 3 hours or more. I can write a book on her relationship with men and all the drama. It was so bad she got into a brawl over one of them, and brought family members into the drama. My grandmother heard of the news and was upset with her. My mother was married for 8 years to another man I met a couple of times before she moved him into the house. She didn't tell anybody until she was divorce. The men lived with us and she thought I had no clue. She tells me 10 years later after getting married, yes I was married......and now I'm getting a divorce.
-Thank god, for other family members that cared. When my grandmother passed away, a void was there, so I would often go and stay with Aunts and other family members that reminded me of my grandmother. My mother didn't like this at all because I would tell my Aunt all her business (especially about the guy she married). It's a joke among the family, that different people use to look after me without really examining the reason why I stay in different people homes. If it wasn't for them I would of practically raise myself because I was at home by myself often from the age of eleven.
- My mother often beat me as if I was a stranger. It was often like a badge of honor between her and her brother to beat their kids with multiple objects (such as a wooden rode, electric cord,back of a belt buckle, whatever my mother can grab). I had knots on my head, a broken arm, and a burn on my arm.
Sorry for the long post..... I never realized how much I went through until I started self-reflecting on why the relationship I have with my mother is somewhat detached. I've learned from my experience that I will protect my kids from having similar experiences and they have a different lifestyle. I broke generational curses.