Mil acts crazy and controlling what to do
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Mil acts crazy and controlling what to do

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Old 06-26-17, 10:55 AM   #1
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Default Mil acts crazy and controlling what to do

Hello glad to have found this. This is my first post but i do plan on be an active member. My fiancÚ and I have set a date to get married. Her family and I used to get along fine but the last couple months her mom has changed. It all started when we didn't want to get married where she wanted us to . She pulled the whole thing of if you get married where you live (1hr) from her i won't come. Then the dress thalk started her mom and step dad agreed to pay for the dress then said they weren't going to and played back and forth mind games on the amount and everything. Her dress was $400 no a obscene amount at all. Because the dress takes so long to get my mom fronted her the money to buy it. But said do what you can to get her parents to pay for it if they don't so be it but try to get them to. Her mom then said she would pay my mom for it . Then a couple days later texted me and cussed me out said they scammed my mom and I and aren't going to pay anything. I of course at that point basically said don't bring my mom into this and do not disrespect my mom in any way because I won't tolerate it. So they eventually paid my mom and it kinda settled down a bit then within a week or so started harassing me and my fiancÚ about replacing her step dads brakes on his truck. (I am a mechanic) I was going to do it to cover her paying him car insurance for 2 months a total value of $140 the day we were going to do it it stormed like crazy so we said we would reschedule. He wanted to do it the following Friday and I said I already had plans but could do it the Monday following. So that was fine . We get to Saturday afternoon and her mom starts blowing up her phone texting her call her and i scammers for not doing his brakes yet and that now if we want to do the brakes to pay the insurance we have to come to their house to do it. They live in a little subdivision wit a slanted driveway and a tight street. It's a 3/4 chevy diesel. I'm not working on it in those conditions. My tools are at my house I will do it here I said. She then flipped out called us names. At that point with all the drama this woman has caused I said I am done and I told her I have had enough of your shit I am not doing the brakes anymore and do not run your mouth about me because I am not going to listen to it.
She left us alone for maybe a week. Then yesterday she texts me (my fiancÚ blocked her number until she settles down) she says I stole her wedding dress and you cannot have it. My fiancÚ left the dress at her grandmothers house. Her grandma is in the hospital so her mom went over there and stole it. Then proceeds to say she is jumping for joy to hurt her and upset my fiancÚ. I told her she was an evil heartless bitch and there is a special place in hell for people like her. My fiancÚ after work went over there with the cops sat down and talked for hours but her mom refused to give her the dress. She came home and told me this and at this point I'm like let her keep the dress we will buy a new one. And I said but I think you need to tell your mom " I've had enough you are not going to pull this crap and expect a Relationship. And I said " she needs to tell her you either apologize for everything you've said and done and work on changing or we need to go our separate ways for awhile and not talk until you can come around." When I told her to say that basic thing to her mom she said she loves her mom and doesn't want to lose her. My problem is it's toxic for our relationship and I don't want to be in a marriage where her mom gets to constantly cause drama and isn't stopped. I love my mom we are very close but my mom would never be allowed to act like this. I'd cut her out of my life until she changed if that's what it took. I don't want to be controlling but I also feel like it's gone on long enough and it needs to be stopped. I look forward to input i am willing to admit I am not perfect and will gladly listen and accept any criticism . I love my fiancÚ more than anything and if there's something I can do to make it better as well I am open to it
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Old 06-26-17, 02:01 PM   #2
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It's all well and good to love one's mother, most of us do. But once we become adults, our spouses come first. It's your fiancee's duty to cut off her mother if she's causing drama.

I would talk to the fiancee about limiting contact or if she refuses, at least let her know that you will not be around your MIL after the wedding. She should respect that.

Like Dr. Phil says, you do not reward bad behavior. Continuing to allow her in your life is sending the message that what she does, cause drama, is acceptable. It's not.

I wouldn't lash out because that's feeding into it. Negative people want to spread their misery. Aggressive people want to provoke a reaction. It makes them relevant.
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Old 06-26-17, 03:03 PM   #3
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I have to learn not to engage with her mom and that is tough. I'm the kind of person that wants to do whatever it takes to make them realize they're wrong. I'm becoming smart enough to know trying fight with these types of people doesn't work out very well.
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Old 06-26-17, 04:32 PM   #4
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Yeah not everyone can do this. But I stress that lashing out just makes you more angry. It's a Darwinian fact.

Also, she's good at fighting so when you step to her, you're in her territory and she will eat you up and lick her chops. "Never wrestle with the pigs. You just get dirty and the pigs likes it.

You want her to know she's wrong. That's means you're too connected. Your connection stems from caring what she thinks. Just say to yourself, it's her journey. No two people have the same world perception. We're each in our own tunnel.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:07 PM   #5
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I know the feeling of having a difficult MIL. Tho mine isn't as bad as yours in her actions she is a pretty bad person. My husband is her eldest and she treats him like a slave. I know she loves him but she will seriously call him on the phone from her room that's 10 feet away (he lives at home because he can't afford his own place and we live veeeeeery far apart) and ask him to bring this and that, she'll tell him to go buy her a coke or coffee, she'll promise him his own car and financial help but still always asks him for money (he works 3 days a week so doesn't earn much). He was told to stay at home to take care of his sister's kid so that's why he couldn't get a full week schedule at work. She is also pretty rude to me. One of the first things she said was 'my son is gorgeous, he could have anyone and he chose you' to which she tried to save the situation by adding 'so I mean he made a good choice'. She's said I dress tacky, and when him moving to me has come up she has told him I'll be a bad wife and I'll stop working and bla bla. I've told him he has to make it clear to her that she can't treat him nor me that way but he's too worried of getting kicked out. And I simply made it clear that I will not bring our daughter around if she can't apologize and act like a decent human being, I don't want her around people that toxic. But I mean it's hard when it's in laws because you don't want to break up their family but you can also not tolerate them acting however they please. So my only advise would be to make it clear it needs to stop or maybe you can't have them in your life. Like the other person said, the relationship has to come first if it's the real deal, otherwise it'll probably end up tearing you apart.
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