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This is a discussion on Just joining within the Family Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hi. I am a mother of 2 sons, mother in law of 2 women, grandmother of 4, sister, sister in ...

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Old 01-28-19, 03:08 AM   #1
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Hi. I am a mother of 2 sons, mother in law of 2 women, grandmother of 4, sister, sister in law, live in the same area as all except 1 son, his wife, and 2 grandkids. And I feel alone and know that the only person who cares at all is my brother. Not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, but really do need to get this out of my system. If no one ever sees this, it is OK and I won't be surprised. I practically raised the 2 grandkids who live nearby, picking them up after school and staying with them, feeding them, helping with homework, until one of the parents got home. I've been screamed at and told to leave the house immediately, as soon as my daughter in law walked into the house. No reason at all. None. Scared the kids and confused them, as I have always been their caretaker. I have taken them away from parties at their house when both parents were too drunk to function. We came to my house overnight. I have received phone calls late at night from kids not knowing what to do because one parent was drunk and staggering around the house yelling at the kids. I have gone to their house, packed a backpack and taken them out of the house for overnight several times when it wouldn't have been safe to leave them there. Now they are older and can fight back -- one is away at college, thank goodness, and the other has found he can go in his room, turn off the light and listen to music to block it out. In truth, the mother has attended Alcoholics Anonymous and is improved. Things have quieted down. And now no one cares if I live or die. I moved all the way across the country to be near this family and live alone. Days, weekends, holidays go by and no one contacts me unless they need something. I love doing things for them. They are my family. I give great credit to my brother. He calls almost daily to see how I am and occasionally we have a meal together. But it breaks my heart when I don't hear from my son or family until they want me to do something, most often picking my grandson up from high school. I always accept that and offer every time to be available for more pick up, etc. I lived on the East Coast and loved it there. Loved the snow and changing seasons. Here, it is always nice out -- the proverbial California weather. I am retired now. And old. Maybe I am wanting/hoping that my family will ask me to come over just to be nice and not only on a designated holiday. Maybe I shouldn't expect them to care. Maybe it's my own doing. I am on a limited income and can't offer trips or excursions, I would be so happy to just be able to see them for a minute and to walk their dog. Is that too much? Am I putting the load on someone without them knowing? That wouldn't be fair. I don't know what happens to this monologue, but I guess I'll just put it out there. Maybe someone has been through the same thing.
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Old 01-28-19, 04:32 AM   #2
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Welcome Mars Bars...sure you can vent your feelings in this forum..like we all do really...
reading your posting i notice wrong family values..it happens all the time all over the world...point is kids are always the victim if parents misbehave drugs/alcohol/violence,then trauma and hurt are the results..you got yourself nothing to blame for,Mars..you did your utmost best and your bro will give you that good feeling within yourself which you deserve...
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Old 01-28-19, 05:12 PM   #3
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Hey MarsBars welcome.
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Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


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