Some background. My family owns this business and since I was a kid I'd be the cashier. I never stole money from the store... but...
I think it was 2015 when I did started taking some cash from the store. I only did it when (I know this is wrong and isn't an excuse. just a reason) things were getting bad in the house. My aunt and my mom wouldn't leave me alone during this time. I felt so... trapped, alone, angry and fed up with their bullshit.
There was a time when both of them couldn't be in the store (this was when I was so angry at them). So I took a couple of bills. I felt so much better.
This became something I did to do something against them.
I think my aunt has finally gotten suspicious and is questioning me.
I know what I did was wrong. From what I can see, she isn't sure if I'm taking any.
I've tried so much to stop, but recently she (my aunt. my mom left around 2017) gets mad at the little things. It gets so tiring. I'm always in the middle of the argument in this fucking house. She keeps saying I should take charge because I'm the oldest. I am not. I am not the oldest, my cousin is, but she never tells my cousin to do the shit I have to do.
She expects me to take care of my siblings, my mom, my grandmother when she's gone. I told her I wouldn't do it, and she started to cry. Great, now I'm the bad guy.
I'm not a good person, i know that. I don't see why I have to be the one to take care of them. Can't they fucking take care of themselves? Why do I have to be the one to sacrifice so much and do so much for them? WHEN IN FACT THEY CAN DO IT THEMSELVES. I WILL NOT FUCKING BABY THEM. I REFUSE TO BE THE ONE TO DO EVERYTHING. Fuck this filipino mentality. I hate it so much.
I am not her, I can't (don't wanna) be her.
This became a rant than a confession...
Maybe I started stealing because I was drinking and smoking so much around 2015-2016, even going to school I would get a drink before class and after my classes lol. I tried stopping all my vices in 2017... it's hard. I don't drink that much anymore, it's kinda rarely now. I've stopped smoking as well.
so I guess all my venting goes into stealing? Idk. Maybe I'm a klepto.
Both my parents are. My siblings have been caught stealing as well. Maybe it runs in the family... (maybe she trust me because I've never been caught lol)
Well now I might be :D maybe now she wouldn't place all her burden on me.