9 yo step daughter pushing me to the end
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9 yo step daughter pushing me to the end

This is a discussion on 9 yo step daughter pushing me to the end within the Family Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; i am ready to quit my marraige, and just go and kill myself. she will not listen to anything i ...

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Old 03-06-09, 02:13 AM   #1
 
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Default 9 yo step daughter pushing me to the end

i am ready to quit my marraige, and just go and kill myself. she will not listen to anything i tell her, i cannot punish her, her mother will not let me handle any situation with her, she is allowed to tell me to go away, i am not her parent, get stuffed, you name it she does it. i have a fourteen year old step daughter and we have a beautiful relationship.

i can't handle it anymore, i am learning to hate her so much, she only wants me when she wants a cuddle or some fun or when she wants me to buy something.....she can get fucked, i have had enough

my wife say's that i am being inmature and should grow up and be the mature one in the relationship and learn to ignore it...how can i, i clothe, feed, school, love, teach and i even get involved in school excursions and sports with the her and the school, should i not get some sort of respect.

i don't know what to do, i give up, i have had it, i am not trying anymore, her natural father is a prick but she still loves him....he can have her.
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Old 03-06-09, 01:55 PM   #2
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Maybe it is just a phase that she is going through or trying to test your limits to see if you really love her. If she is only 9 I would try to not let it get to you. I know that it is hard, but you will get through this. It is definately not worth ending your marriage over. Maybe you could talk to her mom and see if she could intervene since she doesn't want you handling it alone. It will get better.
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Old 03-07-09, 12:20 AM   #3
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I'm shocked that your wife allows her to behave this way with you.....children need to learn to respect all adults, even if they don't like them. What your wife is teaching her is that you don't matter, and surely your wife doesn't truly feel that way about you. You have every right to be angry and hurt.

As a mother of a 12 y/o boy and engaged to a man who would be his stepdad, I understand how difficult it is. But never would I allow my son to disrespect him, never ever.
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Old 03-07-09, 02:45 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by walk2148 View Post
my wife say's that i am being inmature and should grow up.
sounds more like your wife is being immature, but seriously though just talk to her about it, make some kind of stand or something, don't let it strain out
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Old 03-07-09, 11:51 AM   #5
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worried about you walk, ever since you posted in suicide the other day you've not been online? I hope all is well? Please if your able let us know that you are alright!!

((((((((((((((((((((((walk)))))))))))))))))))))))
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Old 03-07-09, 12:14 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by walk2148 View Post
i am ready to quit my marraige, and just go and kill myself. she will not listen to anything i tell her, i cannot punish her, her mother will not let me handle any situation with her, she is allowed to tell me to go away, i am not her parent, get stuffed, you name it she does it. i have a fourteen year old step daughter and we have a beautiful relationship.

i can't handle it anymore, i am learning to hate her so much, she only wants me when she wants a cuddle or some fun or when she wants me to buy something.....she can get fucked, i have had enough

my wife say's that i am being inmature and should grow up and be the mature one in the relationship and learn to ignore it...how can i, i clothe, feed, school, love, teach and i even get involved in school excursions and sports with the her and the school, should i not get some sort of respect.

i don't know what to do, i give up, i have had it, i am not trying anymore, her natural father is a prick but she still loves him....he can have her.

I'm sorry this is happening.
My son also has a troubled relationship with my husband (his stepdad), and it has strained our marriage at times.
The stepparent/ stepchild relationship is a difficult one, especially when the child's biological father is still in the picture.
Just keep in mind that 9 is a very young age, and she's bound to mature eventually and begin to appreciate all you do, as long as you don't give up trying.
Do you think maybe her relationship with her real father has something to do with the tension? Could he be talking bad about you to her?
Sometimes children feel guilty for loving a stepparent- they feel they're being disloyal to their real father.
Have you tried assuring her that you have no intention of trying to take her father's place or come between them in any way?

I'm sorry this is so difficult. But don't give up on her.
Having adults give up on you (or worse, hate you) at such a young age is terribly damaging to a child's self-esteem, and will cause a trauma that will remain with her for her whole life.

Keep in mind how young she is. She has no life experience and doesn't really know what she's doing.
Try explaining to her how her actions are hurting you and the family, because she may not really have any idea.
Good luck!
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Old 03-10-09, 04:03 AM   #7
 
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hi all, thanks for the support and advice....i will tackle it as suggested, time to fix the issue.
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