First day at new job....kill me!!!!
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First day at new job....kill me!!!!

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Old 03-18-19, 04:24 AM   #1
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Default First day at new job....kill me!!!!

Barely survived first day at work. Wanted to catch the bus at lunch time & run home.
Been unemployed for 3 years & I bit off more than I can chew.
So miserable now I just want to die so I don't have to go back there tomorrow.
It's an accounting firm & I'm just stupid & confused & terrified by everything. I don't understand anything they are saying to me.
God I hate myself!!!! I'm not good with numbers and have no interest in the industry but feel so guilty to quit that sometimes, killing myself feels like the only escape.
I'm 44 years old and I'm a scared loser without no real education. I can't do anything.
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Old 03-24-19, 04:54 PM   #2
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Default Fired

So I guess none of my fears really matter and my lack of confidence in myself may be justified.

Just four days in a job I hated I was fired, mid afternoon....just after my lunch break. Came back to the office to find out that the head accountant discussed her lack of confidence in my capabilities to do the job and suggested that the position would be too stressful for me.

I knew something was up since upon my return from my lunch break the atmosphere changed. People who talked or laughed with me just the previous day now would avoid eye contact or any acknowledgment of my existence.

Of course I shouldn't care but it has shattered my confidence even more.

It's even harder since I suffer with chronic anxiety and atm am currently taking no medication. Usually Paroxetine (Paxil) was my medication but after long time use it brought on hangover like headaches. Now I'm trying to exist a few days medication free until I can try Lexapro to manage my anxiety.

Soooooo tired of being scared of everything. General anxiety sucks the big one and it's no way to live. It makes you want to stop trying at all.

All of my family members, 6 in total have chosen to cut me out of their lives and my friend of 7 years has recently also chosen to abandon our friendship. I feel so alone and just plain scared.

You guys are all I have and I don't know if anyone on this site even cares.
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Old 03-25-19, 01:48 PM   #3
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Even when you want to leave a job, if you get fired it can be hurtful. Sweep it out of your mind, because this job wasn't a good one for you. There's other jobs around. Consider yourself freed from a source of anxiety. They should have had a better way of training new people, to start with.

Good on you for lasting 4 days; my very first job I quit the 2nd morning -- couldn't face it.
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Old 03-26-19, 10:23 PM   #4
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Sorry to hear that. Any way you can get government assistance?
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Old 04-04-19, 05:36 PM   #5
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Default anxiety sky rocketing

Hi you guys,

I'm still receiving government payments atm so that is something. I'm a carer from my mum who has two brain tumours. It's hard balancing wanting to care for her and at the same time having the very natural need for a life of my own.

My anxiety is suffocating me and I was wondering how other people cope when medication isn't an option. I might try and start a new thread to ask this question and hopefully get some tips on how to deal with anxiety medication free.
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