Thanks for you support guys....
Hi The Lost, I'm so sorry to hear that you are also working in a hostile environment and have had personal experience with bullies. Yes it does take away your pride and self confidence and in the long run you seriously start to doubt yourself and your capabilities. I not only doubt myself now as a worker but also as a human being. I'm starting to think they I have no personality to generate enough interest in another human being to want to talk to me. I worry that there is something wrong with me and I am deserving or some how encouraging them to treat me so crappy. Because of my anxiety I don't trust myself and think it must some how be all my fault, my lack of attention and focus must be because of the anxiety and therefore maybe they are correct and it is me....or I think because of my anxiety I mustn't appear open and friendly so again it's my fault that I am picked on. In my heart I do not believe but when you have so many people against you and you have become the office pariah you start to believe the opinion of the masses. I always believed I was nothing since young so I would appear as such an easy target to the more confident people at work.
My manager is not involved but saying this he is only the temp manager and at this moment from what I gather in group meetings more concerned about his work performance and the health of his job at this company. The senior lawyers/partners are way more dominant and confident than he is even though he in his own right is fairly self assured. If he can't compete against them in a argument what chance do I have? He will not be impressed with me in the slightest if I turn up on Tuesday with my written resignation in hand (even if I had enough courage to go to work next week and hand the damn thing over). He will not want to take sides and I would highly guess if he did it sure wouldn't be mine. He's already told me if the next meeting we have and a HR personnel is there it's because I'm getting fired....so yeah nobody is overly impressed with me. It's more like I'm working with enemies than workmates.
I really do not see myself making a legal complaint against eight lawyers whose speciality is employment law, involving work harrassment etc. That would bring my stress level to the roof, I'm better off ending it all now. They are not stupid and all forms of harrassment has been subtle, in the end is my word against theirs. I like myself to much to put myself through that much duress and longer contact with them.
Yes we have both taken today off and funny enough I have also looked for work today myself. I hope you find something soon.
Hi fedup....don't worry I would never kill myself...much to chicken shit for that. Don't you know that I'm to scared too live and too scared to die, which leaves me conveniently trapped in my own personal hell. If I could kill myself I wouldn't even bother to write about it, I would of done it a long time ago. My life has been just basic survival with intervals of great pain and anguish, self loathing and disgust etc...yeah I would of left this earth long time ago. I have never had a boyfriend, am nearly forty and will probably never get married or have children. I could take pain if there was something worth living for, if I had kids or someone who loved me just for being me. Hell I would settle for a puppy at this moment, anything to give me some love and happiness...but my landlady who previously said yes to the idea has had a change of mind and now says no. I guess it does'nt matter couldn't afford a dog anyway not with the vet bills etc.
Anyway back to the main game....how fucked is my workplace. yeah I do agree about the confrontation but maybe its my anxiety talking. I will have no impact on them by approaching them individually or as a group about the behaviour. I know which is why I'm scared out of my brain, that no matter what I do it's all going to get much worse for me. I am not liked barely tolerated and nothing, nothing I can do will change that. If I give my resignation I will not live the day...hence the reason why I have stayed so long. I meekly stay as their whipping girl instead of infuriating them further.
Thanks for the site, I will check it out. take care too