I haven't worked for 3 years...first I was studying, than I became a full-time carer for my mother after her brain operation and than I became ill myself with two different illnesses hitting me. I'm still waiting on a further CT scan and specialist appointment to find out what I have. Anyway I have recently gone for a interview, it came out of the blue and I didn't know what to say so I said yes to the interview even though I'm not sure about my health.
Now I'm just sitting here dreading the outcome, waiting for the phone call to see if I've got the job or not. I know this isn't right but I had to tell a bunch of lies just to get the interview and to try to get a job. I hate lying but if I don't I will always be on unemployment living of $200 a week. I'm with a employment agency but they only offer me the bottom of the barrell jobs, the ones I know I'll never be happy in. I'm so scared all the time but I don't have a steady dependable work history and no one would even ring me for an interview if I don't lie. But because I get depressive, shy and anxious it kills me that I have to live my life like this. I really don't think I'm suited to the job I went for the interview for as she keeps saying that it's a stressful job and honestly after the last three years I've had and the pain that keeps hitting in my stomach...I don't think I'm cut out for a stressful job.
I hate it, I'm so shit scared to make a move....scared to live. It's been so long that I've been in a office environment that I don't even know how to be social anymore and the thought of having to talk on the phone and with new work collegues strikes me with terror. I can usually pull on a confident face for the interview (if I'm lucky) but they find out pretty soon that I'm not a confident person who is sure of my abilities. Being so long unemployed eats away at your self confidence, as people everywhere ask you what are you doing for a living? When they find out I don't have a job, I usually just want to run under a rock. It's hard to hold your head up high and be proud of yourself when by society standards you are basically nothing.