I drank quite a bit last night, I purged my breakfast and I've been drinking coffee, so it's hardly surprising that I felt shakey and anxious. Eventually I got so hungry I had to eat, so I cooked up some bolognaise for my cousin and I. Not a particularly unhealthy meal and the only proper meal I'll get today. Part me of feels so much better for eating, but at the same time I want to bring it all back up, I just have this sadness, not particularly strong or overwhelming, but it's there, and I really want to purge and clean myself out. Purging isn't an option because my cousin's here and he'll know what I'm doing but if he wasn't, I'd do it. I mean Christ I just want to enjoy a fucking meal, is that so much to ask? This has gotten old, I'm more annoyed by it than anything else, but I don't know how to get to a point where this feeling every time I eat more than a small amount of food in one sitting will go away.