Screwing my life up more
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Screwing my life up more

This is a discussion on Screwing my life up more within the Eating Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; When trying to stop self destructive habits, I pick up another one instead. I feel like maybe I'll like myself ...

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Old 07-05-12, 06:40 PM   #1
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When trying to stop self destructive habits, I pick up another one instead. I feel like maybe I'll like myself more if I lost 5 or 10 pounds. I don't think I'm really fat, but I wish I was a little slimmer? I'm about 5'9" and weigh 145-150 pounds and I'm a guy. And I know this sounds stupid, but part of me feels worse because making myself throw up isn't depicted as a 'guy' problem. I threw up yesterday and after I ate an early dinner, I made myself throw up 3 times about an hour later. I feel like I don't care about myself, so I don't care what I do, but at the same time, I don't want this to get out of control...idk, I've been a mess lately...
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Old 07-06-12, 10:47 AM   #2
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Old 07-06-12, 09:20 PM   #3
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:(

I ate a bagel with peanut butter this morning, and then went to work later, and ate dinner around 7 and was starving. But I just threw it all up. I did 4 times and I feel a little better about it, but bad because I know I shouldn't...
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Old 07-06-12, 09:23 PM   #4
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I really don't know what to say : I have no experience with eating issues apart from not really eating enough due to anxiety...

Just please know I really care about you an would rather you didn't do this sort of thing. Maybe there is another way? Intense work outs or something? I don't know :(

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Old 07-06-12, 09:27 PM   #5
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I know, I don't have any experience with throwing up either. I have stopped eating from anxiety and stuff like you mentioned, but I never did this. I always knew it was an option, and I remember trying to make myself throw up a long long time ago, but it seemed to difficult to do it. But now, it didn't seem very hard. I just think it might give me a little boost to look the way I want more and that might make me happier. You know I'm desperate to be happy...
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Old 07-16-12, 07:49 PM   #6
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God I feel like such a fucking moron reading that last post now. It sounds so stupid and ridiculous.

And yet I just did it a little bit ago. I'm such a fucking idiot.
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Old 07-16-12, 07:58 PM   #7
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20 - you know logically that it's not right, but psychologically... that's different. Depression, anxiety, this... they can be linked. I'm glad you can see that it's not logical but it's still happening because it's beyond that. You really need support for this or it can escalate.
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Old 07-16-12, 08:05 PM   #8
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Be careful there 20. I have a few friends with eating disorders, and this thing can really get out of hand quickly. If you would like to lose some weight, try and work out some, try to replace high fat foods like meat and cheese with fruit and vegetables, stay active and make sure you get enough sleep. Please don't starve yourself or throw up. It's a lot more addicting than you'd think.
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Old 07-16-12, 08:13 PM   #9
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I know it's addicting and becomes second nature. I know I just started this month, but it has quickly become routine. I am working out and I know that doesn't justify it. I guess it's funny how I start this after I am somewhat successful with stopping another bad thing.

It's like I'm trying to get better, but my coping strategies all bring me down. I'm just trying to find a way to make the the net positive. Is that bad? I just feel like it isn't probable to stop all the bad things I cope with and keep moving forward. In my head, it seems more likely that I make some progress and build a foundation and then work on the bad things then. But I'm probably wrong like usual.

This is why I see myself becoming an alcoholic. It runs in my family and the only reason I don't drink much now is because people would find out and I would be without a place to live.
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Old 07-17-12, 04:09 PM   #10
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I know how you feel homeboy. I drank today and almost got arrested. I'm dieting starting tomorrow and continuing smoking.
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