It's happening again
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It's happening again

This is a discussion on It's happening again within the Eating Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I was searching youtube and came across some videos of a "fat girl" eating that someone had filmed making fun ...

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Old 03-08-09, 09:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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Unhappy It's happening again

I was searching youtube and came across some videos of a "fat girl" eating that someone had filmed making fun of me. I got so f*cking pissed I signed up with a NEW name on youtube so I could chew them out and i mean f*cking chew them out! I got a new name because I don't usually curse unless upset and having been bullied for my weight for YEARS AND YEARS you get this thing where when you see a fat person being bullied you KNOW what it is like and suddenly you have all this anger and all this cougar to go up and chew out the bully. I don't know what I would do in person, but it would not be pretty. Then i come across videos of super super thin white girls dancing and laughing everyone compliments them and clals them pretty and i get a trigger. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BIENG THE FAT CHICK!!!!!!!!!! THE DAMN FAT FRIEND my friends are tiny!! it's not fair. I am on the verge of going back to bulemia. Everyday people made comments, everything was about ym weight food, friends who were tiny, boys who always made comments, family members,and even when i came here. Secretly i think my one friend just hangs out with me to look good. I hate feeling this way. but I really feel like everytime my skinny friends asian or not hang with me that they feel so much better about themselves because i'm the fucking fat one. I feel horrible when i hang out with them they don't know it. i'd rather die. i want to be normal. and then all my grades are suffering too. Who the hell was i kidding? I could never please a man. He'd cheat on me for sure. or abuse me. or both. men are dogs they have always treated me wrong why would they treat me otherwise if i dated them? no one wants to date me. and i sure as hell am not going for some desperate guy who will fuck anything!!! I have too much dignity! I don't want an apartment with this friend of mine. i dont i want to live alone. she always makes me feel so ugly and fat jsut cause all the guys like her and shes pretty. she is upset about this one guy she likes said one thing about her. HELL SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE CALLED COW BY THE WHOLE FOOTBALL TEAM AND CHAMELEON BY YOUR FRIENDS CAUSE OF YOUR EYE I have such a hard time feeling symapthy for her because I have been through so much worse. God and once we went swimming together. ugh shes this hot tan little thing in a bikini and im mrs pale cellulite beepbeep coming through. god. no one understands what it is like. does anyone? and my god i am screwing around with my grades. i have no real friends just hang out buddies. if i dissappear for a couple of days no one cares. I could die and they wouldn't know it. just the fat white girl with bad acne.
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Old 03-08-09, 09:46 PM   #2
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Wait until they're all 35.
Don't worry. It all evens out in the end.

15 or 20 years from now, you might be the *hot* one in the group.
Skinny, pretty teenagers don't usually stay pretty and skinny.
And some of the most gorgeous women in the world were overweight and/or unattractive in high school.

Beyond that, though, you can't base your value as a human being on the way you look. It just doesn't work that way. I know the importance of looks is so paramount in high school, but after high school, it really ceases to matter very much at all. You'll see. Just hang in there.
You'll be okay. You'll find your niche. And you'll find a man who wants you for yourself. There are awesome men out there, although admittedly they don't generally populate the halls and cafeterias of high schools. You'll meet your man in college, or at work, or through mutual friends in your early 20s. Trust me on this, okay?
Most men do not like skinny women. That's not what they prefer.
I'm not saying they're crazy about fat ones, either, but most men I know are seriously more attracted to a slightly overweight woman with curves than a skinny woman.
And good men don't really give a crap what a woman's body looks like, as long as it's not deformed or something. They want a woman who shares mutual interests, a woman who challenges them intellectually.

Your writing, despite the dismal subject matter, is often witty and wry. I know you're sharp as a tack. Your personality shines through. And you are going to meet a man who finds that- your sharpness, your cleverness- totally compelling. He'll find it more important than anything else.

Believe it or not, men have the same insecurities about their looks that we do. They just don't talk about it as much. Not all men think they're worthy of going out with the prom queen or the head cheerleader. A surprising number of them don't even want to. They're realists. They want somebody to love, just like we do. They want somebody they can bond with, someone who can share their passions and interests. Someone real, someone with quirks, someone they can relate to. They're not looking for perfection. They're not perfect. Looks aren't the important thing, once you get a little older. Just believe me.

If your friends make you feel like crap, stop hanging out with them. Hang out alone, until you find some friends who are more compatible. Develop a hobby, some outside interests, things that get you outside your closed little social group and meeting some new, more open-minded people. If your family tells you you're fat, tell them to get bent. What kind of way is that to talk to somebody? They obviously don't have your best interests at heart when they say such things.

You are a special person. It's the world around you that's screwed up, not you.
But it's a very small, enclosed little world right now, and you'll be happier once you broaden your horizons, get a little age and experience on you, and realize that the real world is huge, and it has room for all kinds of people... and that somebody with your cutting intelligence and brutal honesty will be valued there.

Last edited by GLP; 03-08-09 at 09:49 PM.
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Old 03-17-09, 04:03 AM   #3
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yea it's definitely about the insecurities everyone has, sounds like you're the scapegoat for it because you differ from society's imposed standards of women, it's lame. think you can fight back?
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Old 03-17-09, 04:19 PM   #4
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GLP said everything I would have said.

Take her words to heart. xx *hugs*
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