I've started only eating 1 meal a day. I used to do this years ago...then switched to 500 cals a day.
I think the logic behind it (my logic I mean) is because I've injured myself and am not allowed to do lower body workouts...I've freaked out and cut my food intake down dramatically.
last night all I ate was a tablespoon of peanut butter and 2 carrots with hommus...it wouldn't have been over 500 cals...I'm not eating at work, just coffee coffee coffee...my sleep patterns are completely fucked up because im going out and seeing friends etc most nights...
I feel that pull, the pull of the ED...all I can think about is getting back to borderline anorexic because i was sure I was happier with my body then...I don't want to see all my bones...but i want to be unnaturally thin..I want to look more breakable than i already do....almost like it's punishment...easily breakable on the inside....easily breakable on the outside...
and this time the added Vegan diet means most likely I'll waste away quicker. I'm craving control....I know this...something is lacking...something is making me feel trapped in my life right now....this is what always brings on my ED's...it's control and punishment.
Please everyone, don't just tell me 'you need to eat' I do know this...I have extensive knowledge of diet and nutrition, I had to with taking on a vegan diet.
I'm not sure why I felt I needed to post this..maybe I'm just hoping someone can relate...I've been extremely secretive about my life/feelings of late and very rarely post anything to do with myself these days...kind of makes me feel vulnerable...I know I shouldn't feel that way on this forum so I'm just trying to open up a bit I guess.