I just keep eating. Way past the point where I'm full. "They" have said that it's because I was neglected as a child and it's how I deal with my pain. But I know that I don't want to be a fat adult! I'm trying to pull it together, but where i'm torn between feeling hunger, resentment, and frustration or just taking the cookie, I take the damn cookie. I take a lot of cookies and I need to find a way to stop :(

Can anyone relate?

I can relate Chris. It is a struggle. Takes a lot of willpower to not stuff that cookie into your mouth...and it takes consciousness to select something like some fruit, or a piece of whole grain bread with peanut butter on it, instead of cookies. I find my struggles really occur, and I forget what I should do, when I'm depressed, and I just need to eat something. When I'm in a better place emotionally, I eat healthier.

Dear Chris:
thanks for posting your thoughts. I can relate. I had something happen when I was in my 20's which was bad, and since then I've never wanted to have that 'diva' gorgeous body again. I know that most men want women who look like they can control themselves, and I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, and I go out on dates (first) and have a great time, but they don't call back again, and I know its because I'm over 20 pounds of what 'life is saying that is normal'. What ever happened to wanting someone because they were sweet, loving, and fun. And then you see advertised every otehr minute how to take the 'fat' off, and every one of them is attatched to something else tht you have to swallow, which makes me afraid that I'll be more addicted to some pill than I already am to choclate, sugar, or startch. I have been finding though, since I found this site, that I really am not as hungry. Almost as though knowing that there is aplace that I can post whatever emotions I'm feeling and that someone may read it and relate, I'm finding that I don't have the need for the grabving half as badly as I did before. I am stimulated now to want to do it, to be the best me I could, and I don't know if you saw the goals section, but I posted my goals for the week, and the fun thing is that I'm racing to get them all done, and one o them was to lose 2 lbs, and because I know that I put that out, I've been exercising more, more conscious in what I've been eating and perhaps you might try something like that. Post your goals and keep going back and viewing what it was that you said you wanted to do. Lets say its just not to eat as many cookies. that now you decided to eat only 2 instead of 4, you can watch your success for whatever micro goals you put in, but as you achieve them, yo go for more and more. I hope that helps.
Sparkling

Thank you, Sparkling. I have posted my goal in the Goals section but so far I've been going in reverse of acheiving them. Maybe it will be easier when the holiday weekend is over. I probably should have learned from experience and anticipated a 10 pound gain so that I wouldn't be as upset.

Dear Chris:
I'm glad that something prompted you to post your goals. I haven't seen them yet, because I'm still not sure how to navigate this thing, and I usually respond to who has written to me. Please give me amnesty for whatever I may say that may piss you off, because of course my intent is to share and help and not get you mad.
Be grateful that you have where to go to this holiday. There are many who don't. I got together with 2 old friends yesterday, and we feel like homeless ducks trying to scramble to find something to do today. None of us were invited anywhere. I don't have family around (if you catch my story on the other postings you'll understand why), being single you don't get invited by your married friends, and single friends don't make parties. How lucky you are to be amidst so many people at the different times. So, on the first part of the matter, I hope you see that there are many people in your life.
The second part that I want to address is years ago I took a special diet course by a Dr. that studied under Margaret Mead. What she told us to do just before Thanksgiving was to eat whatever, and to come back expecting to gain 5 lbs. we all thought that she was crazy becuase we were paying a lot to be in this class and it wasn't about gaining weight. But she said that that was our instructions, and we were to have whatever the hell we wanted. It had been the first guilt free thanksgiving I had had since I don't know when-and when I got back and weighted in, I lost 5 lbs, and everyone in the room lost between 2 and 5 pounds. She said # 1 she took the oness of guilt off us, # 2 we didn't sit watching and being limiting to ourselves, and # 3, when relaxed is when you lose the weight. She said that you can be on a million diets, but they all make your system feel like there is lack and scarcity so it holds on to every pound. She said if we really wanted to nkow how to have the perfect bodies for ourselves, she said pack in joy, have fun, and eat when you're hungry. I hadn't thought of that in years, and now that I do, I'm going to follow it. I lost so mcuh weight back then -I had lost 40plus pounds. Now I'm struggling with 20 and I think I'm going to take some of my own advice. All I'm saying is that you are very lucky that you had the sociol things to do all weekend, and that I believe that you didn't gain the 10 (you must write me back tomorrow and let me know-please), and even if you did, you can start again, becasue at least now you've identified what it is tht you want, a leaner, meaner Chris. Would you have an interest in formulating smoe sort of a buddy system about the weight or eating? Sort of a check in to one another to give support on this matter? I would love just a check in accountability thing, because I sometimes get amnesia that I want this for me, that I want to look great, feel great, and get back to playing tennis. What about you? Why are you choosing to lose?
Sparkling

Sparkling...can I just say that you took the words right out of my mouth? Seems like everything you wrote...I feel. Only I am about 50 pounds overweight. Chris...can I tell ya something sweetie....It really shouldn't matter what people say, but it does. Please, please, please get control now. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do it....especially because you are young. Take it from a "fat adult"...it only gets harder. When you get older, your skin loses it's elasticity and it sags. Its not gonna just return to normal. Please, angel, stop! If there is one message I can get out, its not "OOOOHHHHH don't get depressed", its "Don't get fat!" and if any of you reading this is fat, then you know what I mean. It hurts like hell the way I physically and mentally feel all day everyday. What I wouldn't give to be just a little thin. Chris, I'm hear for you, honey. Everyone here is. Let me know if I can help.

My mom kinda was like that. she would never eat though and then she would just stay hungry. When you dont eat and u skip meals, ur body eats the excess fat off ur body(not saying u have any) My mom was give this protein shake thing... i can give u the exact name if you want it but u have to email me. Instead of eating a whole meal, drink one shake. the most u can do and stay healthy with it is 2 meals replaced by the shake. but u MUST eat ONE MEAL a DAY!!!