I've posted in here before, over a year or so ago, but nothing really came of it.
I've been at uni for the past two years and before that I took a year out and worked. I had a rough time at the end of school, and I started restricting food going into my gap year to cope, I guess. I can't even remember how it started...I was sad all the time, and suddenly I just started to cut out food. I think it started with fatty sugary things, then eventually I didn't want to eat anything. It went on for a while, then when I started working it got really bad. I worked afternoon/evening shifts so I would wake up late, not eat breakfast, go to work and eat a yoghurt on my break, then get home so late I didn't want dinner. People started to notice, said I looked good, so I carried on. Then people started to notice.
A couple of people asked if I was okay, so I started to eat a little more to throw them off the scent.
One day my mum saw marks from where I had been hurting myself, and found diet pills, so it all came tumbling out, but I didn't really explain about the food. She hadn't really noticed.
Then I started uni and had the worst experience, I didn't make many friends, stayed in my room practically all the time, didn't even bother getting out of bed, cried every day...I barely ate and started counting calories for the things I did eat. I'm in my second year now and its exactly the same. I've started taking diet pills again, I try to eat less than 1000 calories a day, I eat alone...I still feel disgusting, down, I cry every day...
I even tried to throw up today...
I hate feeling like this, its been practically four years of counting calories, restricting, over exercising, lying, taking diet pills...and no-one has really noticed. It wasn't about being thin, or getting attention, I had absolutely no control over anything in my life. Now I just want someone to notice, hug me and help me.