i think i have a problem with food.
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i think i have a problem with food.

This is a discussion on i think i have a problem with food. within the Eating Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I've posted in here before, over a year or so ago, but nothing really came of it. I've been at ...

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Old 04-29-14, 09:37 AM   #1
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Default i think i have a problem with food.

I've posted in here before, over a year or so ago, but nothing really came of it.

I've been at uni for the past two years and before that I took a year out and worked. I had a rough time at the end of school, and I started restricting food going into my gap year to cope, I guess. I can't even remember how it started...I was sad all the time, and suddenly I just started to cut out food. I think it started with fatty sugary things, then eventually I didn't want to eat anything. It went on for a while, then when I started working it got really bad. I worked afternoon/evening shifts so I would wake up late, not eat breakfast, go to work and eat a yoghurt on my break, then get home so late I didn't want dinner. People started to notice, said I looked good, so I carried on. Then people started to notice. A couple of people asked if I was okay, so I started to eat a little more to throw them off the scent.

One day my mum saw marks from where I had been hurting myself, and found diet pills, so it all came tumbling out, but I didn't really explain about the food. She hadn't really noticed.

Then I started uni and had the worst experience, I didn't make many friends, stayed in my room practically all the time, didn't even bother getting out of bed, cried every day...I barely ate and started counting calories for the things I did eat. I'm in my second year now and its exactly the same. I've started taking diet pills again, I try to eat less than 1000 calories a day, I eat alone...I still feel disgusting, down, I cry every day...

I even tried to throw up today...

I hate feeling like this, its been practically four years of counting calories, restricting, over exercising, lying, taking diet pills...and no-one has really noticed. It wasn't about being thin, or getting attention, I had absolutely no control over anything in my life. Now I just want someone to notice, hug me and help me.
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Old 04-30-14, 05:58 PM   #2
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sweetie it is about attention but not abput people commenting on your body shape it's deeper than that - believe me I know - if your relationship with your mum was anything like mine - her's is the 'attention' you want but it's not attention it's the love she should have given you to nurture you - did she? and the non=eating and calorie counting is about having something in your life that you can control but that doesn't help you at all - believe me - and does damage 2 ur body down the line when thing's are better 4 you..
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Old 05-06-14, 07:41 PM   #3
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jersey18, it makes me sad that many people with this problem speak out in the earlier stages and little is done for them -- when this is the time you need help with it, and it's the best time for that help to do you good.

Eating disorders are life-threatening. They're very serious, and complicated. Even I know someone who's died of it, and I never get out of the house. It was a man, by the way.

I say "earlier stages" because even though you say it's been 4 years, you don't seem to have progressed to some of the extreme methods that some people resort to. (Unless your weight loss is very severe now.)
This is just the right time for you to get help, and begin to get healthy once more.

As I understand it, it's about control -- and emotions concerning your body -- and coping. It's also a physical habit your body has learned, and the hunger or empty feeling is its own reinforcement. Anorexia sometimes seems like a modern thing, but it isn't. In old novels from a century or 2 ago you'll find characters who starve themselves deliberately, and the author probably drew them from real life.

I hope like anything that you get worried enough about yourself to get to a doctor ASAP. Think about all the people in books and in magazines who have overcome this completely -- what someone else did, you can do. Wishing you the best.
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