I may have developed an eating disorder...
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I may have developed an eating disorder...

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Old 05-24-15, 05:53 AM   #1
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Default I may have developed an eating disorder...

And it doesn't fit any ED profile I'm familiar with...

I typically eat healthy foods, mostly organic and a primarily veg-based diet. I love to cook and make most of my own food, and I almost never eat processed or junk food.

But over the last 6 months or so, I'll occasionally go for days without eating anything at all. LOL, I call it my 'air diet" but it's completely unintentional. I've gone as many as 5 days so far on just air and water, with maybe a cup of black coffee in the AM and maybe a shot of vodka at bedtime some days... but basically an absolute zero-calorie deal. I know it's not healthy, and I have no idea why (maybe just a symptom of depression), but I just kinda "lose interest" in food altogether. Then I'll start eating again, basically out of total starvation, and be ok for a while....... really weird.

I always push myself hard, and like testing my limits, but i'm obsessed with going further, maybe 7 or 10 days next time... just to see if I can handle it. I usually wind up considerably under-weight afterwards of course, and I'm concerned about possible medical probs. I work in a hospital... lol, and they will quickly notice it. It's just another big WTF I have to figure out.

Anyone else here ever experience this before?
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Old 05-24-15, 12:58 PM   #2
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Hello Kay :)
I don't know your story, so have to ask, do you struggle with certain things in your life? You mentioned depression, do you feel like you have a goal in your life and you are after it.. Do you finish things and get all done, or just give up, or pull it on the side?
I ask these things, because nearly 2 years ago, I started just like you.. I don't even know how I got that idea.. anyways, I just made my goal I have to loose weight (even tho I was skinny anyway) day by day, I was on water,green tea and coffee. If I get something to eat which was really little, I would count it down and write it in my notes what exactly I ate.
Eventually after a week, I became kinda obsessed with it and I just went with the flow. Instead of eating I was feeding that goal I wrote in the notes, every single week another smaller number and everything. ..

And I didn't know why I do it... Until recently I started thinking about my life and everything all together.. And now I realize, I was replacing one thing with another, when I left alcohol I needed something else to replace it, so I just gave up on food as well.. Other thing, for which I think was the main reason why I quit eating.. I felt incredibly empty,helpless,not worth anything, because I had no goals,nothing to get attached, to put myself into it, to be good at it, to feel like I have a goal I can achieve.

I kept going with it because I realized hey I can do this, I can go days without food and I am actually not giving up on this thing, it sounds really stupid,horrible or whatever, but I was really into it. And everyday I was kinda proud of myself for not quitting it, for going further. That became my goal I can't explain it, I felt like finally I was good at something.

*I have to point out, I didn't want to loose anymore weight or become really unhealthy.
I came to this conclusion, that in my case it was all about me being good at something in my life, because everything I started I'd give up. This was the only thing I thought I am following my goal for the first time in my life, like I am fighting for something and it felt good.

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Originally Posted by CrazyKay View Post
I always push myself hard, and like testing my limits, but i'm obsessed with going further, maybe 7 or 10 days next time... just to see if I can handle it.
This really reminds me of myself, always wanting more and more days to go like that.. You really have to sit down and think about it, really, really. I figured it out just now, after year and a half because I never thought even I knew it could become a problem, I just didn't give a f. .. You are already concerned so that means something. I don't know if you could relate to my story, because maybe your reasons are not the same. But my advice is, that you should start thinking about what is the root of the main problem, so you go without eating. And probably visit doctor, if things go on the same, because it is very addictive thing. I still go through those periods
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Last edited by Makica; 05-24-15 at 01:01 PM.
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Old 05-24-15, 04:16 PM   #3
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Wow, Makica... I can totally relate !! I think you just nailed what's really going on with me. Sounds like you went through almost exactly the same thing.

I always had projects going on, and was pretty good about completing them, often staying up all night just to finish something. I am highly OCD-driven. Lately I haven't been able to complete projects, or even start them... I think from the debilitating depression I've been in since last summer when I became separated (and subsequently isolated). Sometimes, hours or even whole days will pass me by... I have these weird "time lapses" now. I think that's how the not-eating prob started, I would just "forget" to eat for a day or two. Then once I became aware of it, it became a sort of mental game or exercise, maybe even a "project" to see how far I could go. Something that requires no effort or planning to complete.

As you mentioned, it's likely not the primary problem but a manifestation of depression mixed with OCD... and it is addictive, and I have a very addictive nature for sure.

Thanks for the eye-opening and thoughtful reply... ~K
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Old 05-26-15, 08:05 AM   #4
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You are welcome, Glad if I helped :)
It is really adictive, I am as well like you when it comes to that nature..
I forget to eat as well, specially when I am doing stuff whole day, it's just natural and then somebody asks are you going to eat? And I am like, woow how did I forgot it. But it just happens.

But, as I already said and you already know it, it can prolong to longer time, which could be really bad and make a problem. These days I am in that phase again,as you mention it, I push myself more and more, along with exercising. But it really helps me mentally to stay alright and keep me out of dark thoughts. So even I got this picture of the so called root of the problem, I can't explain this one now.
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Old 07-09-15, 04:45 PM   #5
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Thanks to both of you for posting this! I had the same problem for a while, but I didn't know why and ended up forgetting about it. After reading what you wrote, I feel like I finally understand- I faced a very similar situation where I'd just stop eating or forget to and try to see how long I could last. :)
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