The past 2-3 weeks have been really bad with my depression, and over the past couple weeks I've developed an eating disorder. The past week-ish I haven't eaten much, and was basically anorexic. One night, I just wasn't really hungry, and over the next maybe 4 days I had no appetite at all. So I didn't eat much then, but then I got my appetite back. But now its worse. One day I decided to eat when I got home, then purge after. So I binge ate, a lot, then tried to purge. But for some reason I couldn't, I stuck my fingers, even a toothbrush down my throat, and I gagged but never threw up. I felt really bad that night, and nauseous. The next day, the same thing happened, I binged but couldn't purge. I felt even worse. Since late last week, I've been binge-eating every day but I haven't even tried to purge over the weekend. I ate a lot for breakfast this morning though, and I have an overwhelming urge to purge, but I know I can't, but I still want to try. I feel so terrible about myself, I feel like a pig, because I know I've been eating way,way too much. I've decided I'm going to continue restricting my diet, like only eating a small(or no) breakfast and small dinner(like last time). My binge-eating is bad though, and I feel like I can barely control my hunger and diet. It makes me feel so terrible and self-conscious about myself. I feel worthless and abnormal. I am seeing a therapist about my depression though. My depression's getting worse every day, and I don't want to get up or do anything.
So yeah, not exactly sure why I'm posting this, I just needed to get this off my chest. Kind of a vent.