fact is, i just hate food... have done for years... when i was little, i hated the food my dad cooked and so id play with the food on the plate till he had finished... my dad runs like clockwork... so after he had finished his food he'd take his plate out, go upstairs to the loo, blow his nose, come down and have a nap on the sofa.... while he was in the loo, i would run into the kitchen to grab a plastic bag, and put all the food i didnt want to eat into it, then hide the bag down my trousers or under my top, till he was settled on the sofa for his nap.. id then put my 'finished' plate in the kitchen a while later given the time it would take me to eat it, had i of ate it... then put the bag in the bin, near the bottom covered with other stuff, so it would go unnoticed.... i did it for years...
then as a teen, i was bullied and called fat, so i starved myself a lot, and never ate in public... id only eat a meal when i got home in the evening on my own.. but when i got to the age where i could cook for myself, my meals werent really meals... its was more like a bowl of plain pasta, or mash potato... id lie that i had a big lunch and so it was never questioned. i had a few times of making myself sick.
i regularly have weeks of only having one meal a day and skipping meals still....
my biggest challenge is going to the supermarket to buy food...i walk up and down the aisles, looking at food, not having a clue what to pick up and put in my basket.. as i stare at food on the shelves my head is running overload telling myself .. 'cant buy that, too much sugar in it,..... not that one, too fatty, .. cant buy that, thats bad for you' etc etc... by the time ive gone up every aisle ive pretty much dismissed every food as being 'bad' apart from maybe a small bunch of banana's which will last me a week in my work lunchbox.
if i pick something off the shelf, i look at the calories, sugar, fat, salt.... and end up deciding against it.
its like i have no concept of what's 'good' or ok to eat. i just end up getting overwhelmed in the shops that after buying a bit of fruit, i need to make a quick exit and get away from the shops to settle me down again.
i just have no interest in food, and eating scares me.