Welp, I'll just come right out with it and say, I've developed Bulimia.
I could pretend like I have no idea why but, honestly, I do. I have "always" been depressed. I became a self-harmer last November and started self-harming another way in February. I ran away from home and tried to kill myself.
News Flash; it didn't work. Back then (three months ago) I was an amateur. Even though it hasn't been that long, I feel like a veteran and in some strange, fucked up way I feel proud. I stayed in some treatment centers and found myself back in the world. And a couple of weeks ago, I became fixated on reading about depression and inpatient treatment. Unfortunately, one of those aforesaid novels was about eating disorders.
Now, I should mention that I have OCD. I guess you could say I took the novel to be a romanticized version of Eds in general. I won't say the name becaue honestly I think I read into things far too frequently, so perhaps my obsessive brain took a sort of approval and validation from the book. I wanted to find ways to cope, no matter how self sabottaging it was. I tried it and I liked it and I promised myself I would keep eating because, truthfully, I love my body. This was never about that.
But the purging became more and more difficult. Don't get me wrong, I definitely binged and then purged. But I noticed that I was starting to restrict too. Truthfully, I know I don't need another problem. It just kind of makes me.... I don't know. I guess I just wanted to call attention to it. So yeah, I said it. What's the first step, admit you have a problem? ✔️