I really hate talking about my problems because of how weight and appearance obsessions are "girl problems" or "homo problems", and it forces me to quiet down about everything.
I have not had a diagnosis, but I think I may need help. Not sure what you wanna call it, but I'm almost always occupied with my obsession over losing weight. I have always been overweight my entire life, but never really was bullied (but have been). My problems with self-esteem started in 5th where I started to doubt myself and kinda "shrink back" because I was afraid of messing up. Over the summer, I started feeling shame over my body, and I avoided swimming, and began to cut out certain foods. It got to the point where I was fasting for a week or two weeks. Then I thought that I wanted to be a normal person who could eat like everybody else, and that I wanted to end this fasting. I would eat, and sometimes overeat because I'm so f*****g hungry, and would vomit because of the shame, and spend the rest of the day exercising and drinking way too much water.
Fast-forward to now, in high school, I was calling this a phase. But over the years until now, ive been through several periods of excessive fasting, restricting, and shame and end up purging when I wanna retreat back to normal. But here I am, and these problems are back, and more severe. When I purged, I never done it more than one or twice a week. No this is like five or six times a week, then I spend a week or two weeks fasting, and I'm never satisfied with the weight I drop. The difference now is that my obsession is starting to interfere with my social life. I try to avoid talking about food, avoid social events that might involve food, and I am not eating with my family at normal times, and this is all affecting my emotions as well, nothing like last times. It's been a month or two, and I can't stop and something in me doesn't wanna stop, but I know I need to.
I don't know how to label this: anorexia or bulimia, which confuses me.
But worse, I don't know how to ask for help. My mom, I have a feeling, may scoff at me for a minute but will understand (after all, I think she had an eating disorder at my age), but my dad on the other hand is very homophobic and will consider me gay if I have any touch of women's problems. He's noticed my weight drop several times, but I only tell him it's from exercise.
So where do I begin to ask for help? How do I address this to both of my parents. And it would help if you were male (but nothing wrong with a woman helping me), and could you share your story and how you got help from your parents?