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This is a discussion on Eating within the Eating Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; -shrugs- I'm tired, and I couldn't come up with a title. I've never, in my entire life, made myself throw ...

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Old 01-16-09, 09:46 PM   #1
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-shrugs- I'm tired, and I couldn't come up with a title.

I've never, in my entire life, made myself throw up after eating. I may hate the way I like, but that doesn't mean I'd do that to myself. I can't bare the thought.

That being said...lately, I've been throwing up my food. I don't eat anymore than I used to, but my stomach just can't hold food like it used to, and I end up throwing it back up. I don't know if that's related to depression or not - it's probably not, though.

I just...here's the thing. I spent my entire winter break throwing up at least once a day [one of those days I threw up seven times in one day, but because I was sick] and...lately, like I said, I can't hold my food a lot of the time, and I throw it up.

The thing is... -blinks- God, I am such a horrible person for even thinking this.

The thing is, I feel better emotionally after I throw up. Physically and emotionally. I've felt this way for awhile, but I've just never told anyone that. Like I said, I don't make myself throw up on purpose. Only if my stomach is upset from my food or I'm sick. It's just...I don't know. I don't think this feeling is normal at all, and I wanted opinions.

I'm not sure this goes here. If it doesn't, I'm terribly sorry.
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Old 01-17-09, 01:25 PM   #2
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Does this make me bulimic? Or maybe I'm just psychotic...
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Old 01-17-09, 01:50 PM   #3
 
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First thing I'd do is rule out stomach problems. if you're not eating any more than before, and you're not "making" yourself do it, then you might have somthing wrong with your stomach. gotta rule this out first.

second thing I'd think..... I'm not going to say I've never made myself throw up. but it wasn't for reasons of vanity, it was more for the reason you mentioned, I felt better afterward.

I spent a lot of time thinking, as I was gorging on food so I could bring it up twenty minutes later...... and what I realized was that the physical exertion of throwing up was a lot like the physical exertion of running, or exercising. years ago, when I felt like crap I'd go to the gym for three hours. I can't do that anymore, but throwing up results in a similar release of adrenaline that I found a suitable substitute.

I don't say that to condone what you're doing.... I was throwing up b/c I have emotional backstory (unrealted to food) that I wanted to replace with pain and adrenaline. so, for a little while, vomiting fit the bill in a very unhealthy way. I still have problems with eating (don't eat enough these days) but I know those problems are because of my story, my "issues" if you will (man I hate that word). the behavior with food is a symptom, not a cause.

do you have someone you talk to about your feelings on a regular basis? if not, it might help you figure out why you need the throwing up episodes to make you feel better.

lz
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Old 01-30-09, 09:22 PM   #4
 
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Hmmm.. I was anemic at one point in my life and somehow ended up taking something called geritol, which happens to be the most disgusting tasting stuff I've ever had to take. Can we say immediate gag-reflex! Lesson learned.... but what do that have to do with you not being able to eat? Uh..

Want some doritos? I'll share.
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Old 01-30-09, 09:25 PM   #5
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*laughs* Sure. Doritos sounds delicious.

Actually, this condition has seemed to pass. At least, for the time being. In its place, is something else. Instead of throwing up after I eat, I literally just go days without eating (or eating very little) mostly because I'm not hungry. Then I'll be starving and eat everything I can find without ever feeling satisfied.

Is this normal?
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Old 01-31-09, 04:39 AM   #6
 
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I am very sorry this is happening
I only get like that when I am really nervous. I panic and then can't eat a thing.
When I vomit it's like a huge spectacle , the whole block knows I am doing it, cause I am so (((LOUD))It hurts me to throw up
Hope you get to feeling better and this passes.
Good Luck
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