Um.. I'm not really sure how to start this. I'm half petrified, half delighted that i'm back to starving myself. I'm eating about 600 calories a day, sometimes less, and have lost a huge amount of my body mass in the last 20 days or so (especially the last week)..my clothes are hanging off me.
I can't bear to give it a name and feel like calling myself 'anorexic' is fraudulent and attention seeking.. I had a chronic eating problem when I was 17-19 and reduced to 52kilos (I'm almost 6 foot tall)..
I feel so angry at the world for how much I'm hurting but also know that a lot of it is about the mistakes I have made and how angry I am at myself.
I really want my ex-boyfriend and his new woman (who was my friend) to see how much they have hurt me.
A part of me feels that this is a creative outlet and ignores the health risks which I think 'won't affect me'... (it's almost like seeing an old friend again)
and another part knows that 'it' can take over and then is the most frightening thing in the whole world.
I feel like I'll just keep it going for a couple of weeks and then stop it but part of me will feel that I will have failed if i do that, and that I should see it through.
I'm going to the doctors this afternoon for a routine check up and so I thought I'd raise it with the nurse.
Does anyone have any feelings that they wouldn't mind sharing?