Despair with food- suffocated and alone
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Despair with food- suffocated and alone

This is a discussion on Despair with food- suffocated and alone within the Eating Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Um.. I'm not really sure how to start this. I'm half petrified, half delighted that i'm back to starving myself. ...

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Old 09-12-06, 07:20 AM   #1
me
 
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Default Despair with food- suffocated and alone

Um.. I'm not really sure how to start this. I'm half petrified, half delighted that i'm back to starving myself. I'm eating about 600 calories a day, sometimes less, and have lost a huge amount of my body mass in the last 20 days or so (especially the last week)..my clothes are hanging off me.
I can't bear to give it a name and feel like calling myself 'anorexic' is fraudulent and attention seeking.. I had a chronic eating problem when I was 17-19 and reduced to 52kilos (I'm almost 6 foot tall)..
I feel so angry at the world for how much I'm hurting but also know that a lot of it is about the mistakes I have made and how angry I am at myself.
I really want my ex-boyfriend and his new woman (who was my friend) to see how much they have hurt me.
A part of me feels that this is a creative outlet and ignores the health risks which I think 'won't affect me'... (it's almost like seeing an old friend again)
and another part knows that 'it' can take over and then is the most frightening thing in the whole world.
I feel like I'll just keep it going for a couple of weeks and then stop it but part of me will feel that I will have failed if i do that, and that I should see it through.
I'm going to the doctors this afternoon for a routine check up and so I thought I'd raise it with the nurse.
Does anyone have any feelings that they wouldn't mind sharing?
Much love
Me x
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Old 09-13-06, 05:04 AM   #2
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dear me. you are me ! i can totally see where youre coming from. the thing is, that starving yourself is a kind of self harming. like some people cut., why would hurting yourself hurt your ex and his girlfriend, all you will say to them is that they were right to move on without you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.once you stop eating, it takes as much effort to start agin as it does to give up smoking. start again now. for all our sakes. what i did was to eat just what i fancied which was usually chocolate with fruit and nuts. i gradually stretched my stomach with small snacks untill i could stomach larger more frequent amounts. i feel now like im regaining controll. i see myself becoming more attractive as my bones start to disapear and my eyes are shining. show your ex what hes missed out on. you are a beautiful person.
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Old 09-13-06, 05:05 AM   #3
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dear me. you are me ! i can totally see where youre coming from. the thing is, that starving yourself is a kind of self harming. like some people cut., why would hurting yourself hurt your ex and his girlfriend, all you will say to them is that they were right to move on without you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.once you stop eating, it takes as much effort to start agin as it does to give up smoking. start again now. for all our sakes. what i did was to eat just what i fancied which was usually chocolate with fruit and nuts. i gradually stretched my stomach with small snacks untill i could stomach larger more frequent amounts. i feel now like im regaining controll. i see myself becoming more attractive as my bones start to disapear and my eyes are shining. show your ex what hes missed out on. you are a beautiful person.
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Old 09-13-06, 09:49 AM   #4
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me - It's not good to be doing this to yourself dear. I know it's hard, but as dea mentioned, let people see what a beautiful person you are. There's no reason to hurt yourself, like this. You could have serious effects from this later if not sooner. You're body needs to have fuel to burn to keep you going, which if it doesn't it gets it from your own body, which isn't good either. Think about how much you're cared for here & that we don't like to hear that you're suffering. Please, when you go in, talk to the nurse/doctor & ask them how many calories you can consume & still be happy with yourself. I would also mention that you're feeling depressed & they can also help you with that. Please let us know how it goes & please, try to start eating again.

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