Ok...this is the first time I post about this issue of mine.
As far as I remember, I have had always problems regarding the way I look. When I was a kid, people would say (especially my own sister) how my hair was ugly because it was curly. We are 3 siblings and I am the only one with curly hair (Thanks, dad!). Friends at school would make comments that I looked like a lion. It was so depressing and upsetting for a child.
To make things worse, when I was about 7 my nanny took me to the hair saloon to have a hair cut. The crazy hairdresser cut my hair as short as a boy usually has and I couldn't stop crying seeing my hair falling down my head. My mom got home and saw my almost shaved head and cried as well.I didn't want to go to school because the kids would say that I was a boy...my mom went there to talk with the class and also bought me a collection of hairbands ...with that, they would definitely see that I was a little girl.With very short hair.
Making long story short,I have a hard time with my hair, with my weight...everything. I have gained some weight in the past year and I feel ugly and horrible. I feel like vomiting everything that I eat and I already treated bulimia few years ago.
I see some women on my way to work in the morning with this skinny body, beautiful straight hair...and I get so depressed. It really puts me down.
Last year I got to the bottom of my depression and I was skinny. Now that I am happy and fine, I find another thing to be sad and depressed about. What is wrong with me? Why is it so hard to accept who I am?
I am also from Brazil...there we have A LOT of pressure to look stunning and skinny ALL THE TIME. Here in the US I don't feel the pressure...but I am going home for the Holidays and I am already nervous about what they will say about my gain of weight and such... it sucks.