I had a dream not long after my son was born where me and Jack (his father) were feeding Lars (our son). Lars was sitting in his little baby seat thing that can be converted into a rocking chair. Suddenly, he stopped eating his formula and sort of slumped a little. Jack said:
"Poor baby. He just died."
In the dream, I called my mother while Jack I think tried to revive him, but then stopped. We were certain he was dead for some reason. I was on the phone with my mother screaming, "He's dead! He's dead! My little Larsy boy is dead!"
Then I woke up.
Lars was making noises in his crib, ready for his milk. I was so happy to get it for him, to be up at 2 in the morning feeinga and changing him. I said, "I'm so glad I'm here changing your shitty diapers, I had a dream where you died!"
Then a few years later, like at the most a few weeks ago, I had another dream where Lars was admitted to the intensive care unit with a fever of 110!! It was so realistic... Lars was unconscious and I went and saw him in his room while Jack sat at the nurses' station filling out paperwork.
Then I woke up! At least!!
I am fucking sick, sick, SICK!!! I should be happy, not worrying about him (especially due to 2 stupid dreams!!), and it is detrimental to him if I'm not happy! I don't want to be like my mother, thinking I fell in the lake just because she didn't see me for a few seconds when I was 14 (I was like standing behind her or something else). And treating me like an incompetent for years, not going to a friend's house and instead sitting at home for hours until I returned from the mall where I went alone. (I did not live in a "bad" neighborhood.) I don't want to do things like that with my son.