what I've learn is people will always be crappy at some point.

People will always treat me like crap at some point. New people come into my life and are nice at first but once they get comfortable they start treating me like crap. People take me for granted, comments i make such as would if I was not here or what if a died, are just ignored. Yet if I did die they would be the first to say oh wow never saw that coming. I just want to go to Heaven, where everyone is nice and cares for each other, where its not about what can you give me or do for me. I am tired. I have had more suicide attempts than I can count, my health is not the greatest. Had people try to murder me thinking they could say I committed suicide because of my attempts. Watch out for that by the way, if you have ever talk about it.

I am alone, I have a wife and kids, but we have not spoken to day, except for her yelling at me. We often go days saying few words, she doesn't think so, but considering she ran everyone away I use to speak and she is the only person i have to speak with, I notice. She talks to her mom and sister every second of every day, even in the car she is on the phone with them, so we don't speak in the car either.

I often wonder why I am still alive, some times I think I wish I would have died. I know life can turn around in just a day or even a second, and then everything goes right. Then it's great. I am just tired. sick of people. sick of the world, sick of this system. Reminds me of a song, some where out on that horizon beyond the neon lights I know there must be something better.

I got a kid too and what he thinks of me influences my every action. as long as I don't loose sight of that I think I can deal with anything. At times any way.