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Old 10-11-11, 12:20 AM   #31
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Life is becoming much more than I personally can deal with. Too many things I'm trying to keep putting a "band-aid" over trying to get by. I'm just spinning my wheels in mud; no road ahead! This would be a good time, to have a family that was loving, caring, and supportive. Who am I kindding?! I have nobody! I'm sinking in quicksand and I can't seem to find one big branch to reach out and grab! I'm in way over my head and i'm sinking faster, can't pull myself out, and it's all getting to much. I keep trying to believe, that some way or some how, I'll get out of this...again with my "wishful thinking" that the reality is; not happening! I have no food in the refrig., I have no friends, or family to help me, and it's the start of a very long, dark, and gloomy path ahead. I was just thinking today, why does my life, always have to have SO much turmoil in it? It's never just "smooth sailing" with clear skies ahead of me. It's one thing, than another, than another... I'm know I'm not a 'saint' here or anything like that. I've done my fair share of damages; to others. Just like I have more than my fair share of damages caused to me. I didn't ask for it to happen, nor did I deserve it. It seems to me, at least these days, the people that try the hardest, truly end up getting the least breaks. The person, like my neighbor(that hurts, lies, and uses people)seem to get all the 'rewards' or good things. I just feel jinxed! I can't seem to work anything out, with anybody. I keep being told, they can't help me, or I don't qualify, or whatever their bs excuses are, that they feel they can hand out to me and I'm just supposed to accept it! I got so mad, when I see the Goverment helping out the banks, yet, they NO LONGER want to help the people?!!!? WTF is that kind of business???!!! You got your butts bailed out; yet you can't seem to 'pay it foward' to people that truly NEED it and NEED your help?! I sware, the world's going to heck and I'm just along for the ride here! I've donate to churches, salvation army, goodwill stores, food to feed the homeless, and this keeps going. Yet, when I need a "hand out" or help, I'm denied? I give, when I have so very little to give in the first place. I can't believe, that I can't get or catch a break? I have people calling me, complaining about their lives, their issues, or their problems, yet I'm unable to do this; because they have NO time for me? I believe the REAL reason(s) are, they don't care nor do they want to hear anything that I may complain, whine, or be fustrated about! That to me, IS the real truth of the matter! I had the same lady, I've always listened to, call me again. She questioned why I haven't called her? What the heck do you think? I've got too many things to worry about! You've got your husband, your house IS paid off, and things are going good! She wanted me to come over and visit. As soon as I told her, I'm broke, have no fuel, her reply was.....'I am too.' NO, you're not! You're hubby's been working and you just got paid, not even less than 2 weeks ago! You NEVER go out, because YOU DON'T drive! Why sit and blantantly LIE to me?! I guess you think I'm stupid or something along those lines! I mean the lady next door called me....finally (after weeks on the ignore button) and she wanted to see IF I wanted to go to lunch today? The one neighbor that's having problems with their house. I told her, I'm really sorry, but I can't, don't have the funds. I asked even asked her IF she got my last text. She told me she did, then just dismissed it; like no biggy! I mean really! Come on people! IF I treated people, the REAL way(s) I get treated, let me tell you, I'd probally wouldn't need to vent at all! I'd just be mean, cruel, heartless, insensitive, and a few other things! I try to live my life, as a better person, yet can't 'cut' or get a 'deal' when I truly, honestly, and sincerely need one! I sware, I so tired of all of this; yet, I keep having faith, hope, and belief that something good WILL happen! I guess, I'm just fooling myself; again..............
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Old 10-12-11, 04:42 PM   #32
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Well, after getting my mail today, the "good news" just keeps on a comming. I'm tried, exhusted, and just overall worn the hell out. Now, to boot, I'm sick! I don't know if it was the soup or the grilled cheese or both that made me so ill lastnight. My stomach's still in pain! Plus, like 4-5 hours of sleep. Now, my daughter's talking about selling the puppy, to get food and some money! Now, that's something that's really not going to happen! I will feed them, before I feed myself! I've felt a little happier, but not less stressed with Bear around. Now, because she wants money, after I shelled out the last of my monies to fix him and the house, she wants to turn around and sell him! I sware, sometimes I don't understand this kid! Yeah, it would be nice having a few dollars, but I don't trust people with dogs. It's me! It's the fact, that 2 dogs(puppies)that she rescued, rehomed,(for fee), are now NOT with them, they're both at a shelter! I just recently found this out, through somebody that knew who they rehomed to. I'm NOT happy about it either! I guess, they were in really rough shape; that alone broke my heart! This place was not the best place, but the lady had 2 kids and she really loved them; both! She didn't want to split the brother and sister up, she wanted to keep them both. She had a nice yard, fenced in, and the were going to be together. Now, finding this out, has just fueled me today! I can't believe it! She was TOLD, no matter how long she had them, IF it wasn't going to work out...CALL ME and I would find them both NEW homes! The only 'comforting' thought, at least they'll be well taken care of by a humane society! Then, with me having a massive upset stomach and getting sick last night, my daughter refuses to help me; with anything! I'm getting tired of this self centered, self serving attitude of hers! It makes me just sick (no pun intended)! I can't handle ALL of this, going on at one time! It makes me wonder how the "other half" can live life, while so many suffer, struggle, just to make it through, another day. I'm so tired of fighting with banks, people, and my kid! Why is it so, that when others suffer, people seem to notice, yet do nothing to offer assistance of any kind? It's almost like people ( my neighborhood) are "enjoying" watching me suffer and lose it all, as long as it's NOT happening to them. I guess, I'm just going to have to deal with the fact(s), that this home owing dream's maybe coming to an abrupt hault. I need to find away, but NOBODY wants to help me or do anything; to help me. Telling me NO isn't helping, it's really ticking me off something fierce right now! I just can't seem to find an 'option' to help me, help myself..........
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Old 10-17-11, 01:55 PM   #33
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Things are mounting, beyond my own control. I've tried to work things out with everybody..ie electric, cell, and etc... I'm getting no where! It's hard to do this and especially when I have to 'support' my own daughter and she gets to see all of this. I was always (self) taught to do what you can, for you family. As I have had nothing but serious blows to me, I still am struggling to keep this all together. It's takin it's tolls on me and I can tell, she's losing faith in me coming out of this. It's hard. It's all spirling out of my control and out of my reach. It truly would be nice to have a family to turn to. I don't have that 'luxury' of that option. The neighbors next door just got a huge loan to have a sewer problem fixed and I keep wondering why I can't 'fix' my own problem(s)? They of course, are a couple, and do make a ton of monies. I'm limited on income, so I keep struggling to find some kind of option to help me. I keep thinking something 'good will happen,' or something will give; alas, the reality isn't! I wonder how some of these people keep their homes? The person that use to live across the street, lost his. He just moved out, before they foreclosed on him, and he keeps "trying" not to be found. IF I can find him, anybody can! How foolish I thought, but at least he got out of it. He didn't have a child to take care of and I do! The fustrations keep mounting and the bills keep getting worse and piling up. I'm unable to continue to keep 'putting out monies' I honestly and truly don't have avaible! I give up the house, then where do I live? I don't have monies put away for a deposit on an apartment. I don't have anything in reserve. I get SO mad that the Goverment WILL help banks, but NOT the people that make those banks "run!" Why aren't they helping the people, that line their pockets? The Goverment sure didn't have a problem lending them billions! I don't need billions of dollars to help me out of this mess!! I don't understand the 'thinking' that goes behind some people's ways of thinking? I always believed in help those, who are less fortunate than myself, and giving from the heart, not from the head. It's turning into a nightmare! IF I could get through this, until we have snow, then I know they can't kick me out, in the middle of winter! At least, that would give me some additional time(s) to figure something more out! It's not the way(s) I perfer to think, it's just the way I'm thinking now. I have to hang on, until I CAN figure something out or somebody's willing to lend me monies. Heck, I'll live without food, just don't take my house! I keep thinking that it's so not fair, to people, like myself, that suffer and have to deal with all this stress. I keep wanting to awake, like it's a bad dream. IF I had a family, maybe it would be 'easier' for me, to let this house go? I'd have another place to live and could deal with this a little easier. Why is it that I keep getting so much more, than one person can possibly deal with; at one time? I have strength and am willing to keep trying, just keep being denied and rejected, when I need the help the most! When did the world quit caring about the 'little' people in life and only care about the rich and famous? I know that some of them, truly give. Others of them, are just too greedy (my opinion) and they don't help others that suffer. I don't believe that anybody should have to struggle or suffer in their lives, more than absolutley possible! This is way out of control! I try to pull the e-brake and it broke. I need help, a mircle, something to pull me out of this hell and everything in it! I'm still bothered by the fact, the people that I've helped unconditionally, close their doors and turn their backs. I would never do that to anybody, even with my own current situtation. I guess, it's easier to say you'll be there for somebody, it's truly much harder to actually show that you are there for them.......
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Old 10-28-11, 12:41 PM   #34
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It's another day and I blew my top today! I blew at my daughters boyfriend and just lashed out at him! I can't handle his arrogant ways and his better than tho attitude! He started in on her and I just couldn't hold my tounge any more! I let it all out! He and I got into it and he got to see me really ticked off; for the first time! My daughter tried to defend him and etc... and I just snapped at her too! I him he better knock it off, the way(s) he treats her and she's not a dog at his becking call! I said, you want respect than you better give it! He tried to raise his voice and talk to me, like I'm some how beneath him; didn't work! I got even louder and I was furious! I will NOT be disrespected not only in my own house, but in front of my kid! I do NOT tolerate that from her and dang sure aren't going to tolerate it from some kid, younger than myself! I actually told him to just leave and do me that favor! I can't handle the rollercoaster rides you put my daughter through and then she's just expected to jump for you, whenever you want her to....NO, that isn't happening any more! He's like what's wrong? I told him, I guess you didn't hear me? I will not put up with all this bickering and fighting you two do and I get stuck with all the nonsense! You're a guest in MY house; not the other way around! I don't know how you were "taught" to treat people, but you get what you give here! He said he's had a bad past. I told him, so have I and you don't see me treating people like crap because of it; now do you?! I told him, you made a choice to have sex, got a girl pregnant and the world should be "punished" for it? No! No way in hell! I got mean, and told him, you should have thought with the head on your shoulders NOT with the one that "talks to you" in your pants! It was YOUR choice to do what you did and you can't blame others for it! I also decided to tell him, this isn't his PERSONAL storage garage for HIS car! He has his car in my garage still and then parks the work truck here also! My daughter, needless to say, was LESS than happy with my "performance" twords him. I told her, he feels that he can treat you the way(s) he feels he can. YOU don't stand up to him and that's why you get treated the way(s) you do by him! She said that they worked it all out lastnight. Yeah, like that will last for how long? I told her, I don't have time to babysit 2 young adults and their bs! You want to do it, do that kind of behaviour out of my sight and out of my house! I have too much to contend with as it is now and you and him, just make it worse for me! You both cause me undo stress! I don't have enough on my plate right now? You both think that you need to add more with your childish and immature attitudes? I can be even worse than you both are! She finally just shut her mouth and kept it closed! I dispise being like that; honestly. I hate it when I have to "bark" at people just to get my point across. It's truly buggin me, that I had to go down to that level of behaviour, but enough is enough already! You don't have some right to "run" things here, like it's your house or something. I honestly believe, I may have gotten my point across, but also, forced my daughter to decide to move out.(?) I know he no longer likes me and I told my daughter yesterday, I don't trust him, don't like him, and don't want him here; any more. I told her, you've got to do, what you have to do. I'll miss you and always be here for you, but I will NOT have some guy, trying to tell me how things are or are not going to be! Plus, the lack of respect he shows! You can tell that he's hiding something. What, I'm not exactly sure, but it'll surface soon enough. I will NOT watch my daughter continually go through this rollercoaster ride with this particular guy!
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Old 11-03-11, 09:00 AM   #35
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She didn't listen to solid advice and now is back with this guy; again! It's now come to the point where I told her, I no longer want to "deal" with any of this relationship! Personally, I don't even call it that, more like a rollercoaster ride from hell! He now has to ask permission to stay overnight and he and her are not happy with it...too bad! I'm refuse to listen to their bickering and fighting or their nonsense! I dealing with my own issues and need some time to sort things out, think, and try to have some peace in my own house! This isn't a hotel/motel where you can just run up all of my bills and continue to do so! He takes showers here, watches tv, and so on. It cost him nothing, but it costs me more! She doesn't see my point of view on this, not at all. I can't talk to her, since she's so stubborn and believes/thinks she knows it all! Life has a "funny way" of giving us reality checks and this guy is one that she needs to be leary of. I don't trust him and feel that he just mooches off people, while he's paying his own bills and his baby's mothers auto payment and things for his child. This baby's only less than 6 months old! Then yesterday, she goes out and purchases him a new cell phone so he can get off his baby mothers plan! When oh when will she learn??? He told her the phone was nice, but opted out of accepting it....thank God for that! One less thing, she'll get stuck with, when this is all said and done. I'm like any parent. I want to see my daughter be happy, but this guy's not the one that's going to do that for her.
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Old 11-03-11, 07:16 PM   #36
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Should I dare to say this? Well, I hope I don't kinx it! He just showed up, out of the blue, retrieved all of his property and left! I knew something was up. He's a shady person and he hides way too many things. He got mad, because I wouldn't allow him to live here! Too bad, I'm sorry, but I have enough issues going on right now and the last thing I need is a "free loading" person in our lives! He takes a shower at night, then first thing in the morning! Come on now, I know you're not getting dirty at night; not for less than 8 hours! He doesn't care and throws his towels on the floor and leaves the place a mess! I hope this time, he's gone! He truly doesn't "bring" anything to offer here and he always tries to make my daughter feel that she's the one doing everything wrong! He said hi to me today and I just put my hand up; to acknowledge him. Then, as he went up the stair case, he said something, under his breath. I personally am done with this clown! He told her, he's going to live back with his cousin. I told her, he never was living here anyways! I told her, he's got a big ego with nothing really to show for it, but a massive attitude, some serious mental issues, and doesn't know what a healthy relationship really means. It's NOT controlling the other person, laying guilt trips, coming and going as you please, and being completely inconsiderate to others and lack of respect; on his behalf! I told her, you'll find one that will treat you the way(s) you honestly deserve to be treated; not like a dog on a leash! You're not his maid to be their at his beckening call! It's a relationship and that means respect for each other, not just what the other one wants to do all the time and ONLY thinks of you/fits you in, when they want to or FEEL the need to. I feel badly for her, since honestly, this is my fault. It's just another thing that is hanging over me. I didn't want to have her go on another rollercoaster ride! She even said to me, that it's not my fault, he comes off as somebody completely different; than what you truly get. The one thing I'm glad of, she took the phone back, that she got him..thank God for that! I told her, to ignore his calls or textes and put him on ignore for a change! I told her, if somebody treats you like that, they're not worth having around. It'll never work and end it now, before emotions become an issue and make things harder than they might be now. I can only hope/pray, that she takes this advice to heart and listens now. Tomorrow's another day and only time will tell IF she'll listen to me and dump him or IF she'll continue to "seek" his approval and want a relationship, that will only cost her more pain and suffering in the end.
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Old 11-07-11, 10:50 PM   #37
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This guy has really done a job on my daughter! I can't even begin to express it, honestly, I'd get banned for the words I truly want to use. He's played games with her, over a lousy key for his Nitro he left here! He went back to his baby's mother, after he insulted her and degraded her; in front of us both! He's a liar and he's a con-man! He talked my daughter out of so many things, it's not even funny! He will eventually get it all caught up to him....as I believe, what you do to others' will come back and bite you in the butt! He's hurt her and she comes back from working almost a 12 hour shift; she's crying. I feel so badly for her and I'm partly to blame, since I opened my mouth. He told her, he was going to give her his number anyways; right. It's NOW all done and she's got to heal from it. Sadly, he's suckered another poor person into his bs web of lies and she's the one that's got to get out of this web; on her own. I will be here for support, but even a mothers' not able to "fix" a broken heart. This will now be the 3rd guy that's left her, heartbroken, to go back to their kids mother. I feel badly for her and that's all she seems to run into these days, guys that have babies with another female. I hope that will be the last guy that hurts her and the next one, will be the one for her---always. At least, all his items, including himself, are now gone; gone for good! That's one nightmare, I'm glad to say is over and done with. All we have to do, is get through this part with her, and I hope everything gets better for her.....
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Old 11-09-11, 10:50 PM   #38
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I have way too much going on to deal with my daughter and this guy....which I NOW hope he's gone for good! I found out today, that my daughter opened her mouth and just let things fly about what his sister-in-law told her about him! I couldn't believe that she actually called him and told him! I was in shock to say the least. This is the VERY last thing I need, her running her mouth off to somebody that's already threatened her! I mean really how much of a "rock upside your head" do you need with this guy and the people he associates with?! So, found out that his sister-in-law texted her back. To say the least, she's NOT happy with my daughter and her recent x, had NOTHING more to say, after their phone conversation, to me, that's fine! Now, I have to have a watch put on my house, because she just can't let a sleeping dog lie! I don't need her "extra" stress and all the nonsense going on! I've got enough, without involving the local police department and wasting their time, babysitting my home! They've got enough to do! I sware my kid always has to have the last word! I told her, not smart thinking now, was it?! I told her, you know what this person's done to you and you still can't just leave it alone! What's it going to take? The property or the vehicle's to get damaged?! I told her, I don't ever want her to talk to him, while she lives under this roof! Her reply....I'll just see if my dad has a place open for me to live at. I just can't believe this kid any more..honestly, leave him and it all alone! This was completely the very last thing I needed, to add the long list of things I'm currently dealing with....
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Old 11-10-11, 10:07 AM   #39
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She continues on with her emoting about the x. I told her, learn and heal from it. I told her, right now, too much is going on with my own personal live, financial issues, and my stress level's at a new, all time high! I told her, you didn't listen to good advice and wisdom, now you want to complain and keep stressing yourself and me out with all of this. I told her, NOW is the time to concentrate on your own life and NOT the lives of others or the bs and issues that bring into her life-not including my life. She doesn't understand things that I've already experienced with relationships in my past and try to help her with. I would have truly loved to have somebody that cared enough for me, when I was going through things and given me solid, heartfelt, and sincere advice. I hope, for awhile at least, she concentrates on college, her job, and making HER life better....
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Old 11-12-11, 10:46 PM   #40
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So, what happens today?! She ends up seeing the x that she just got done with. She said that he was driving his car and there was somebody with him. I'm like he's apparently moved on and now so do you. Then, she starts to tell me, that she's now seeing an x of 3 years almost! I'm thinking, you've got to be kidding me...right?! Does this kid every learn? This guy had a serious issue with drugs, girls, and some very serious depression! While I felt for him and tried to help him, he, like her, refused to take solid and good advice. He ended up getting a girl pregnant and I believe (can't recall exactly) he moved in with her or started to date her again. This is the LAST kind of guy, that she needs to be around right now! This guy has used drugs so much, he's so messed up, and he wouldn't seek treatment for it. I tried to get him help, a few times, and talked to him about his choices. I told him, that only HE can decided his own life, I can just offer advice and would be willing to take him to get some kind of help. He looked horrible the very last time I saw him; skin and bones. I truly felt for him. I also found out, that he has a baby! This guy, she still has, unresolved feelings for. I can't understand why she keeps going back to these guys that hurt her and leave her depressed, unhappy, and "hating" her life. As a mother, it's truly heartbreaking to watch your only child go through all of this and never learn from it as well. I'm no longer able to keep up with this "rollercoaster" rides with her and her wanting to continuely be around, people that take advantage of her and leave her. It hurts! It's almost like I didn't do MY job and teach her better. It makes me cry, sometimes, that I can't get her to understand that I'm truly looking out for her intrests. I know, she's at the age, where she can make her own choices. It's watching her self-destructive behaviour that's just breaking my heart. She's always gone back to people that hurt her and just dump her; like garbage. Then the wrath comes down on me and I, personally, am unable to deal with it, at least at this time. I'm not willing to help her, if she's NOT willing to help herself and see the patterns of things. I can only hope, that she truly sees things, faster. She's been through so much, and I can only do so much for her. I've always allowed her to make her own choices and I told her, you need to live with them. When she keeps going back for a "beating," there's only so much sympathy that I can have. I know that doesn't sound right or correct, but this isn't the way(s) to go about learning from your past and applying it to your current or future situtation.
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