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This is a discussion on Trying to heal, from life... within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I am sorry to hear that, friend. Please, try your best to not take it to the heart, like 90%+ ...

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Old 03-03-15, 03:11 PM   #2491
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I am sorry to hear that, friend.

Please, try your best to not take it to the heart, like 90%+ of people that work in public areas tend to be nervous all or near all the time. He randomly lashed at you, not coz you deserve it! but because he was stressed and couldnt let it go, and you were just a victim, or the bish planned it, either way, dont let their cruelty affect you! You are better person then them! You wouldnt believe at all lashing outs that we medical students receive from people that work in hospitals!!! Trust me, dont take it to your heart, you have a golden heart and you dont deserve dirt on it.
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Old 03-03-15, 04:27 PM   #2492
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nsdmitrije~I deeply appreciate your (more than) kind words;sincerely.

Here's the "issue" with not believing that it was just "in general" that I got the "beating" I did. Her husband said something to me, that she wasn't supposed to disclose to anyone, she promised she wouldn't. She further added to that promise, that what we discuss stays between her/myself. This is the 2nd time I've had to 'hear' something, from someone else, that she knows, that has done this to me. First time, yeah, I could "let it pass." Two times within less than a week, I'm doubting that she's keeping what she said to me between us. Proof's in the "pudding" so to speak.

It further upsets me, that other's are knowing about what I disclose to someone else, thinking/believing it was in private that "things were exchanged." In reality, it shows me that no one's able to be trusted. Disclosing things, isn't keeping your word/promise to another person. It's basically, in my opinion, disclosing things that no one else is supposed to know, yet they have (complete) knowlege of what "transpired." It takes everything out of me, to "place" any trust within someone else. I've been burnt, way too many times & personally, I should have known better to (ever) trust another individual. This, honestly, is the consequences of my trusting someone. I will make sure, I do not make this mistake...ever again.
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Old 03-03-15, 07:24 PM   #2493
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aries View Post
It's take me, until now, to post this. Here it is...

Yesterday, was an extremely difficult day for myself. The lady, that her family doesn't like/care for me, showed up at my house. I didn't know what she wanted, but went outside to talk to her. She ended up asking me, if I'd accompany her to the gas station, as she needed some ice. I didn't (really) want to go & attempted (more than several times) to decline going. Needless to say, nothing I said worked. I recluctantly went with her. Since she was recently out of the hospital, she asked me to go in & get her a cup of ice. I did. Howevever, it was the biggest mistake. I went in & asked the one guy (the manager) what size cup I could get for her? It's the gas station she works at. He told me, get the 44 oz size. So, I ended up getting 2 cups of ice for her. I then went to pay for it, as she'd given me some money to pay for it. I walked up to the register & the guy behind the counter was ready to check me out. I inquiried as to how much it was for both cups of ice for her? He just tore into me. He just degraded me, so badly, & all I could do was choke back the tears. I've never had someone lash out at me, for asking a simple question. I ended up leaving, since he didn't charge me for them because they were for her. I ended up, going back to her vehicle. I got in & right away she asked me what's wrong? I told her nothing & tried (even harder) to hold back from breaking down. None the less, I told her, what exactly he said to me. I broke down crying. I felt terrible. Before we we're leaving, the same guy came up to the window & waived at her;she waived back.

This IS a prime example of how I'm treated by other people. I'm futher bothered, on a few different levels, as to why he did this to me? I've never been, nothing but kind/polite to the people that work at this particular station. I'm further bothered by the fact(s), that before leaving, he made sure he went to the window to waive at her. To me, something's "foul smelling" about all of this. It also has broken any/all trust I have with her. I know it wasn't because he wasn't having a good day. In fact, it was just the complete opposite, when I had (orignally) walked in. He was smiling & laughing with other customer's. So, that leads me to believe, even further, that she had to say something. This is EXACTLY WHY I DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE. They'll smile in your face & then "stick the dagger in," ever so much futher.

I'm struggling with why people continue to do this to me? I don't understand being so mean/disrespectful to someone else? Even with typing up this posting, my eye's are starting to water. This guy, was brutally mean to me, without any just cause for doing so. I would like to complain to the corperation, but then he, as well as she would know who(m) filed a complaint against him. It's just like anything else in my life that I'm forced to endure.
I wish I were there to stand up for you, I would of video taped him put him on youtube and complained to the company. That would of got his ass fired!!
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Old 03-03-15, 07:33 PM   #2494
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dax~It's "funny" you mentioned this! I was just speaking to one of the people (earlier today, when I called the store), that work there & discussed the 'events' that happend;yesterday. I told this person, IF I didn't like the manager they have & the Shift leader I would seriously consider calling corporate & making a complaint. Since I do know them & they're very nice to me, I don't want it to "domino" on them/effect their job(s). I'm considering speaking to the manager, the next time I can make it up their. Thanks so much for being supportive;always.
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Old 03-04-15, 10:39 AM   #2495
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Default Extreme Caution...

I just wonder, in all honesty, if things ever improve within one's life? That question seems to "pop" up, more times in one day, then I truly care for it too. It's difficult, in knowing, that your life's just been one fall out after another. You wonder why you have put through the "gauntlet" so many of times, but yet never get "victory" within one's life? Sometimes, I just believe it's the punishement for me being alive. I've lost everything that one needs to "keep their own sanity" within one's life. I'm just starting to no longer care about anything any longer. It's a daunting task, daily, to want to continue to suffer with so much on my own plate. Yes, I know, people DO have it worse off than myself. I would glad surrender this pathetic life of mine, in a heartbeat, to give someone a better life, than what I contend with on a daily basis. It's not something I'm just saying, because I can, it's honest to gosh real truth being put out here.

People have family, friends, or loved one's within their life would never understand my thinking. They think that I'm the "odd ball" in life, because of what I lack having. It's easy to "down play" things, when you've got the "world on a leash." It's not easy, when you're life nor your world's always on the "land slide" of things. People can NOT relate, understand, nor feel what it's like to be stripped of everything. They don't see past themselves, their own life, nor their own being, if you will, when someone like me can't "get a grip" on things & continuously are just not wanting this exsistance any longer. They think/feel it's for "attention" or something along those lines. It's truly not & they just don't realize this. They think/feel/believe it'll all "pass" & life will be "peaches n creme" again. It never has been that way, nor will it ever be. The "down's" if you will, are so great, so often, & so frequent, that there's no relief when a "up" would happen. It's snuffed out, so abruptly, it's like it never happens. I've tried, more times in my life, to believe having a PMA (positive mental attidue) would get me through anything. However, like life itself has "unmasked" itself, it never does happens.

I'm tired of being in this unhappy, unloved, unwanted exsistance. I want the "exit" out, so badly, it's like tasting something that you're craving, yet you are denied;repeatedly. I want to be back, where I used to be, so many year's ago. I don't believe I was here, but yet in a place that I can't seem to get back too. Yes, I could end my own suffering & truly no one would think twice about me being gone. For the life of me, I just can't do it, nor have I ever been able too. It's fustrating, with my own health issues, that will eventually take this life of mine & I'll continue to endure (much) suffering until it does. I only have, a few more year's left that I've been given, due to this Autoimmue Disease that's taking over my body, my exsistance, & eventually will "finish this job" for me. My entire life's been one huge blow after another. I don't want to suffer any longer. The pains are excruciating & they don't ever subside. It's a constant battle of my will over my body's will. I refuse to take drugs for anything, but my Thryoid, as I need it to "keep me operating," on a daily basis. I could quit them, but then, I the suffering would be even more so, then what I currently endure.

I wanted so badly, for this life of mine, to become MORE than it has turned out to (honestly) become. It hasn't. It has only made the scars "appear/surface" even deeper than one could ever fathum. It "chips" away at me, like someone pounding on a rock. It runs through me, like a river that's about ready to break through the dam. It's explosive, inside, like someone blowing something up with dynomite. The darkness, that it's left me "holding on" is like a soloar eclips. It blocks out everything & only the darkness consumes. The kindness, that used to "fuel my soul" has now just been doused out. I used to trust & have faith in people. Now, that's been extinguished as well. What's left? In all reality, there's absolutely nothing.
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Old 03-04-15, 04:38 PM   #2496
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(((((((((((((((Aries))))))))))))))


There are good people in this world Aries, there are always nice people in world and you are one of them. I am praying and hoping that your life will turn to better, coz you deserve it.
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Old 03-04-15, 04:41 PM   #2497
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I totally understand why you want out. I don't blame you for feeling that way. I often feel the same. You have suffered major blows in life but there is no family to back you up. And you lost your trust in people and I understand that too. It is no surprise with what you are going through.

But i think that sometimes you are too hard on yourself. You have accomplished a lot in life despite everything. And through it all you remained a kind and helpful person. I understand you are doing very bad now and maybe you can't see that, but it is still a fact. You deserve a lot more credit than you give yourself.

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Old 03-04-15, 07:53 PM   #2498
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I know how hard it is for you dear friend. It hurts knowing I can't throw you a line and pull you in to a safe place where you will be cared for.
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Old 03-05-15, 08:28 AM   #2499
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Default It Just Doesn't Cease...Caution

So, yesterday (later on in the evening) I went outside to see the beautiful (full) moon we had. What happens? I fell. I hit the concrete, so dang hard, because there was nothing but sheer ice on it. I didn't see it, before I "stepped" in that direction. So, my whole right side of my body, from my right arm, down to the middle of my thigh's (seriously) bruised as of this morning. I also have, what feels like a "lovely mass," right in the middle of my thigh. It's now, this morning, the size of a grapefruit. My back's screaming in pain, as I'm sure I "hit it" on the way down. I couldn't get myself up, right away, but eventually I did. The only other thing, I took "notice" of today, was that my vision seems a bit blurry. However, I know, for a fact, I didn't hit my head. So, a bit "confused" as to why I'm having that "issue?"

A few things that happend, that I'm "suprised" didn't happen, saying the least on here. First of all, I didn't cry. That's shocking as hard as I fell. Next would be, the fact, that no one saw me;thankfully. Not like they would have helped me anyways. Last but not least, I didn't break any bones, at least that I can directly tell. At least the "part" of the moon, was beautiful to view, as I'm laying on the ice. It's just another "reminder" of how things go for myself. Had I broken something & wasn't able to get myself up, it wouldn't have turned out very good. I have no one, at least around me, that "looks out" for me. I would have just been laying their, freezing, with no one to help. Pretty pathetic...

nsdimitrije~I always appreciate your kind words.

FromTheHeart~It's tragic that someone's living the "same things" as what I'm enduring.I appreciate you saying, the kind words that you have. I just don't have the 'kindness' any longer within me. It's difficult, more so than I can say, knowing how I've "allowed/enabled" people to change me "to the dark side."

dax~Thank you for the wanting to "toss me the line" into a "better" place...if only.

As a "footnote" here. I want to thank, all 3 of you for your posting's.'s hugs. You kind words, thoughts, "well wishes" always bring tears to my eyes. I appreciate knowing I'm cared about....some where in this world.'s!
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Old 03-05-15, 10:08 PM   #2500
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Aries you are the high watermark on this site.
Even when you are angry or sad it's clear that
we could all learn more from you. You inspire me.
I am sad you suffer so much but even when things
seem the worst you show so much fight . I have learned
from you . I know that gives you no relief from your pain
but you have touched lives , so many on here.
Thank you for making a positive impact in my life.
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