Trying to find reasons for my sadness ......
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Trying to find reasons for my sadness ......

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Old 01-27-13, 06:36 PM   #1
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Unhappy Trying to find reasons for my sadness ......

I've been looking for the reasons of why I feel so low most of the time, and I can't find any reasons. I've been through some rough stuff in my life but when I cry (I do that everyday) nothing comes to my mind. It sucks when people asks you why are you crying, I tell them that I don't know and because of that, they think I'm crazy. I'm 26, I've been feeling like this since I was 15, I've been taking antidepressants since I start feeling bad (15), nothing has really worked, I've seen a thousand therapists, I've tried every anti d that's on the market, millions of srhinks. No one has given me a diagnostic, they just listen (ok, they pretend) and ask you for your money, some of them don't even give advice and if they do, it's like so lame ...... I guess that the hardest thing about having depression is feeling lonely. I live with my parents because I don't have enough money to live on my own and besides, living all alone would be worse maybe because I'm pretty self destructive. MY family doesn't give a shit about me but I don't know why I preffer to be close to them. I love them with my life but I'm dissapointed. If I ever have the chance to become a mum, I will NEVER ignore my child's pain. My parents see me crying everyday and they don't do anything. At work it's really hard not to try, sometimes I do but it's so embarassing, many days I succeed and I don't cry, in fact if you saw me you'd be surprised, I always look happy but deep inside I'm misserable and lonely ...... my friends just care about their lives and that's ok because humans are like that, they care about themselves, it's very very hard to find someone who's willing to "be there" most of the people just go.
I am scared, I am lonely and my sadness is getting bigger and bigger and honestly I don't know what will happen. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm going crazy, I really don't know what to do but cry ....... I cry on the streets, at home ..... everywhere, I feel so stupid, I feel I should've never been born. I love God but he really shouldn't have given me this life. I know it sounds awful what I'm saying because everyone says life is a gift, well, it's not for me. To me life is a bizarre thing that I will never be able to understand, It's a "journey" where good and bad things happen, but mostly bad things. Pain lasts way much longer than happiness. For some people life is awesome, for me it's just a struggle I wish I never had to deal with. I'm not taking my life because I believe in a god, in a hell and in a heaven. I'll go when God decides, I don't know what else to say ....... everything's a blur and all I can feel inside my heart is sadness.
Comments would be appreciated
hughs to everyone
cherryblossom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-13, 11:49 AM   #2
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I really relate to this, its so hard to find a reason as to why you feel so down all the time, I can never pin point why I feel like I do either and in a way it kind of makes you even more down because it seems like its going to make it even harder to help yourself if you don't even know what's wrong with you. :-( Have you got any family members you could stay with for a while? Maybe take some holiday time from work and get away for a few days and take it easy, that always seems to help you clear your mind xx
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Old 01-29-13, 07:56 PM   #3
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I can relate to this, my own family don't care and i still try and get them to care time and time again, it sounds like you could really benefit from some support, good luck
rachel7291 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-13, 09:35 PM   #4
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Sorry you're feeling this way. The loneliness might have made you feeling this way. Prolong loneliness can do a lot of things to us....make us feel miserable, can't do anything, hopeless, etc. and eventually drive us away from people and drive people away from us.

IF, IF....the loneliness that make you like this, try to get out from there...take baby step, join clubs or classes of your interest, love nature club, photography club, go cart club, sewing classes, etc. You might drag yourself to do this initially, but when you do this, you're not to allowing yourself to fall further down deeper. Give yourself 2,3'll find some difference in you.

Don't expect so much from people around you to make you happy, coz they have their problems too...

I feel for you

Last edited by Dania; 01-29-13 at 09:40 PM.
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coping, depression, life, loneliness, sadness

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