My life has changed for the worst drastically in the last year.
It has never been perfect, and I am prone to depressions, but last year, one day it just went spiral to the rock bottom (idk if I reached it yet).
I was told, someone might have put a spell on me.
I did a ritual to call out that person, whoever did this.
Within 9 days the person will come to your door and ask for forgiveness and you’ll know.
I did this. And whoa...my half sister called (she lives in a different country, she won’t be able to come by the door). We haven’t talked in at least 6 months. Just casual msgs on holidays. Never really had a relationship.
She sounded apologetic for bad relationship or something, trying to establish connection.
I figured that was her. Blocked her.
I was feeling so much better in all ways. My finances got better, my job was well....for about a month.
Then something happened again. And I got that dark could over me. Sometimes I feel like I can’t think straight at all. My brain is fogged.
The other day I broke a glas, stepped on it and didn’t notice how I bleed out all over the carpet, bed and everywhere I walked until I had a dream later that night, that my foot had a bandaid on it and I woke up and realized how bad it was.
Like where was my conscious when that happened? As if I walked around half unconsciously in a deep deep dark cloud...
Idk if all of that is true with the spell and all.
But my life has never been so bad.
One day I found myself googling what was the most efficient and probable way to suicide.
Then I thought: my God, what am I doing???
My dreams have been shuttered.
I only aged. I am a total loser and failure.
I asked my mom for financial help (considering that I’ve been paying for her vacations for the last 10 years, bought her iPad iPhone and whatever she needed, even a condo by the ocean, where she vacations half a year).
Her response was: I can’t help you (she has the means). She doesn’t want to. She is a narcissistic evil human being, who only had me to raise a slave to herself. She offered to sell my condo. To do that I have to have the money to travel there and through the process. Which I don’t.
Lonely lonely place I am in.
I tried that hotline msgs, volunteers work there. Not much help (I bet some of them are much younger- less wiser). Tried to find a therapist, came across some nasty people.
Was sitting here now. Thinking. Who do you talk to, when you have nobody? Can’t call my ex, his only talk will be that I need to quit everything and go back to him. Can’t call my mom, she will be saying: you should have done this, you should have done that, yet when I ask her for advice, her response is always: idk what to tell you.
Oh well...may be soon there will be a war or some cataclysm, and I’ll be lucky to die...