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so depressed, help

This is a discussion on so depressed, help within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I know this is long, please bear with me. So I'm 14 and in middle school. This is my first ...

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Old 11-29-15, 08:23 PM   #1
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I know this is long, please bear with me.

So I'm 14 and in middle school. This is my first year in public school, so it is a little stressful. But my depression has gotten so bad that I'm about to start skipping school.

The past few weeks, my depression has gotten to the point where I can't stand going to school, I hate going out, and I rarely feel happy. For example, I always get really excited about holidays, but this Halloween and Christmas... nothing. I felt no joy, no excitement, nothing. Every little thing makes me angry or frustrated or sad. And my self-esteem has dropped a lot, and now I'm anorexic and really self-conscious.
And I swear, most of my teachers just love being little sh*ts. Some of them are just rude, and the next one that gives me crap, I'm going to explode on them. I never turn in homework, don't always do my classwork, and I hate it when my teachers and parents get on my case about doing my work. I am failing 3 of my classes, and couldn't care less, except for the fact that it would mean summer school or repeating 8th grade.

Another thing that stresses me out is that I'm not straight, not sure what I am, and my parents are wondering whats going on with me but I don't want to tell them until I actually know who I am. And I have my first real same-sex crush... who just got a girlfriend. At least she is gay, right?
One last thing is that I just told my parents(through a letter) that I am an agnostic theist, and I didn't want to tell them because they are conservative Christians. But they still drag me to church sometimes, and I hate it: being forced to listen to messages that I don't believe in, that sounds silly to me.

And every once in a while, I'll just lay on my floor or my bed, and just close my eyes; just because I feel so exhausted and depressed. Or if I'm at school, I go to the bathroom to avoid a breakdown in class. Sometimes I'm worried I'm starting to go insane.

We decided to stop seeing a therapist/counselor too, because they didn't agree with everything they said and thought we should talk it our as a family. But I hate being at home, I hate being at school, I just really hate my life right now. Its so, SO hard to be positive.
I really have been wanting to try weed lately too. I know its the worst idea, but I just want to have something to distract me. I don't know where to get any(since im in middle school), but I wish I had drugs.

NOBODY in my life understands, I feel so alone. I just don't know what to do. (but I would NEVER consider suicide btw)
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Old 11-29-15, 08:37 PM   #2
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Hello there, heyKittie. Welcome to TTL. I hope you find some connections here.

As I read your post, one thing came clear - this person really knows who she is, and at such a young age! That is commendable. I hope you hang on to that, knowing who you are, even if others try to change you.

You might want to talk to a medical doctor, see if there is a medication you can try to take the edge off the emotional pain. It might take some trial and error with different medications, but if you find one that works for your body, it might really help.

There's a strength in you. I hope you see that. And I hope you find a healthy way to bring that strength to the surface more.

As you can see, many of us struggle with brain illness here. So you are not alone. We try to help each other here by being supportive and sharing our struggles as well as our successes. We understand what it's like to live with mental illness, and we find ways to cope with it so we can live a decent life. Even if we have to vent and get the hurt out, we can do that here without judgement.

I'm glad you found this site. Keep connected, there are many people here who are understanding and supportive. Take care of yourself tonight.
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Old 11-29-15, 10:13 PM   #3
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I'm sorry your parents aren't sympathetic. I wonder if they even know about your inner turmoil.

Do you know if you don't do homework because you're too depressed or maybe do you also have trouble concentrating and stuff? Sometimes having trouble concentrating is a symptom of depression/anxiety, sometimes it might be due to learning difficulties. in either case, i think it would be beneficial to speak to a school counselor or your teachers about getting extensions on assignments. that might really help take off the pressure. i think if a teacher sees that a student is struggling, but she's reaching out for help, he/she would be happy to help. i think a good educator is one who cares more about the learning experience than meeting deadlines. for me, school was one of the only things that kept me going. i've felt really lonely for a long time, but i always had school to keep me occupied/engaged with things. so i hope that it can do that for you too. i have learning difficulties that have made school harder and certain parts were anxiety-inducing (writing essays for example usually brought on full-on nervous breakdowns) ...but i learned to love learning, even if it was tough to do.
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Old 11-30-15, 12:05 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heyKittie View Post
I know this is long, please bear with me.

So I'm 14 and in middle school. This is my first year in public school, so it is a little stressful. But my depression has gotten so bad that I'm about to start skipping school.

The past few weeks, my depression has gotten to the point where I can't stand going to school, I hate going out, and I rarely feel happy. For example, I always get really excited about holidays, but this Halloween and Christmas... nothing. I felt no joy, no excitement, nothing. Every little thing makes me angry or frustrated or sad. And my self-esteem has dropped a lot, and now I'm anorexic and really self-conscious.
And I swear, most of my teachers just love being little sh*ts. Some of them are just rude, and the next one that gives me crap, I'm going to explode on them. I never turn in homework, don't always do my classwork, and I hate it when my teachers and parents get on my case about doing my work. I am failing 3 of my classes, and couldn't care less, except for the fact that it would mean summer school or repeating 8th grade.

Another thing that stresses me out is that I'm not straight, not sure what I am, and my parents are wondering whats going on with me but I don't want to tell them until I actually know who I am. And I have my first real same-sex crush... who just got a girlfriend. At least she is gay, right?
One last thing is that I just told my parents(through a letter) that I am an agnostic theist, and I didn't want to tell them because they are conservative Christians. But they still drag me to church sometimes, and I hate it: being forced to listen to messages that I don't believe in, that sounds silly to me.

And every once in a while, I'll just lay on my floor or my bed, and just close my eyes; just because I feel so exhausted and depressed. Or if I'm at school, I go to the bathroom to avoid a breakdown in class. Sometimes I'm worried I'm starting to go insane.

We decided to stop seeing a therapist/counselor too, because they didn't agree with everything they said and thought we should talk it our as a family. But I hate being at home, I hate being at school, I just really hate my life right now. Its so, SO hard to be positive.
I really have been wanting to try weed lately too. I know its the worst idea, but I just want to have something to distract me. I don't know where to get any(since im in middle school), but I wish I had drugs.

NOBODY in my life understands, I feel so alone. I just don't know what to do. (but I would NEVER consider suicide btw)
You shure you were writing about yourself and not me? Because so many things that you said apply to me too.

Teachers can be assholes... agree. Not all, but there is plenty of them. Now, you said you're failing 3 of your classes? Is there any chance you can actually avoid failing? Or atleast not go to 8th grade again. I know it's a lot of work, but it will save you some trouble. And before you write me off as biased parent, keep in mind that I'm not much older than you...

Now, not feeling excited for holidays... I'm sorry you're going through it. Depression knows to come and take away most, if not all, the joy from the life.

Well, about not being straight... I can't say much. Well, other than you can be what you want to be, and no one should convince you othervise. Just don't think it's a clever idea to tell parents the truth, as they most likely won't take it well... you know, christians and being parents...

Now, religion... I actually hate discussing this one, as I think everyone can believe in what they want to believe (or not believe), so I won't say much here... Though, did you ask parents why they make you go to church?

Now, sorry I didn't understand very well, but why did you give up on therapist?

Also, I don't think smoking weed is good idea. I haven't tried it myself, but I have friend who smokes it regulary, and he himself said that sometimes he wish he never started, so... Also, that's literally burning large sums of money, so I'm against that idea

Take care of yourself
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Old 11-30-15, 06:56 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shacke View Post
You shure you were writing about yourself and not me? Because so many things that you said apply to me too.

Teachers can be assholes... agree. Not all, but there is plenty of them. Now, you said you're failing 3 of your classes? Is there any chance you can actually avoid failing? Or atleast not go to 8th grade again. I know it's a lot of work, but it will save you some trouble. And before you write me off as biased parent, keep in mind that I'm not much older than you...

Now, not feeling excited for holidays... I'm sorry you're going through it. Depression knows to come and take away most, if not all, the joy from the life.

Well, about not being straight... I can't say much. Well, other than you can be what you want to be, and no one should convince you othervise. Just don't think it's a clever idea to tell parents the truth, as they most likely won't take it well... you know, christians and being parents...

Now, religion... I actually hate discussing this one, as I think everyone can believe in what they want to believe (or not believe), so I won't say much here... Though, did you ask parents why they make you go to church?

Now, sorry I didn't understand very well, but why did you give up on therapist?

Also, I don't think smoking weed is good idea. I haven't tried it myself, but I have friend who smokes it regulary, and he himself said that sometimes he wish he never started, so... Also, that's literally burning large sums of money, so I'm against that idea

Take care of yourself
my parents say they want us to go to church as a family or something, which is stupid because I don't even believe in that stuff anymore. And about the therapist, my parents didn't think they agreed with everything they said, thought we should talk it out as a ffamily, and of course it saves them money. Most of the time they give me one or two b.s. reasons, or can't really give a good one.
And Although they don't approve of homosexuality, they would still love me. I feel like it would make things uncomfortable between us though.
Thanks for the advice
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Old 12-23-15, 06:27 AM   #6
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Hang on!
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