So this is Christmas
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So this is Christmas

This is a discussion on So this is Christmas within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; New member here. Sorry if I don't do this right. I can't stand this time of year. It just reminds ...

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Old 12-20-16, 05:14 AM   #1
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Default So this is Christmas

New member here. Sorry if I don't do this right.
I can't stand this time of year. It just reminds me of how torn apart my family is, how alone I really am. No relatives, no real friends. I struggle to find a reason to get up in the morning. As the days pass and it gets closer to Christmas, I find myself looking at my medication, wondering what it would be like to be free of this... sometimes I pop a heap out of their foil packaging, and then stop myself just before I go through with it. Yeah I'm a coward too apparently. I have depression and ptsd on a good day. On a bad day I hear scratching, voices constantly barraging me with insults and urging me to hurt myself in any way possible. I think they have made me paranoid and maybe a bit crazy. I can't afford private health insurance or to see a psychiatrist, so the only meds I have are generic anti-depressants and they don't seem to do anything. I tried to go to the hospital for help but they just wanted to lock me up...
This is my experience, I wish my country had better help for people who are suffering. I feel so left behind and ignored by society, by my government and by the females in my life. I will stay at home these holidays, hold my pillow and try not to die. No promises tho. Merry Christmas everyone.
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Old 12-20-16, 07:24 AM   #2
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Shadows I know holidays are hard.

Can you do anything for yourself to help ease the aloneness and the left out feeling? If you can, recognize that society will celebrate what it wants to but your spiritual 'oneness' with the world goes well beyond making merry over some religious event. Put out a little seed or nuts or some food for the local animals in your area or in the woods. Volunteer to help provide Christmas for some of the needy folks like the shelters or soup kitchens, or see if there is some structured event being done for children through a library or church so you can take an active part. If none of those things are good options, sometimes just structuring your life so you keep busy, focused and motivated through this time helps to make it easier on your emotions. If you have a project you've been putting off maybe this is the best time to work on it. If they need people to work extra or who are available to take shifts over the holidays at your job, it lets you focus on the job not on the lack of feeling needed at home.
We have to become creative problem solvers, not just tolerant burden barers.
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