Many people say they wear a mask or change faces, or something like that. But I wear a latex balloon on my head with a smiley on it, or whatever mood I feel like showing at the moment, but the problem is latex isn't exactly durable, and my world is covered in spines, pokeys, knifes, and thorns. Just a poke and my whole disguise will crash down and suffocate me. The other problem is latex is translucent and everybody can see past the balloon and see the real me if they tried.
I feel so different from everybody, and unable to do what others do so simply. Each conversation is a battle, and finding friends is an all out war. I dont get how others do it. How am I suppose to make it in this world when I can't even get the basics down, but the real question is what do I even want? Sure I can make short term goals, I want the promotion or I want to learn to bake bread or whatever, but what do I even want in the long term? It's hard to want to get up each day if you don't have something to strive for.
I just needed to say some of the things in my head, I can't sleep with thoughts like that endlessly ricocheting around never ending, never slowing down. If I say is its like I open a little door in my head and it can go away for now anyways. Hope i can sleep now :) will give it a go anyways.