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New here, but need to talk

This is a discussion on New here, but need to talk within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here, and, frankly, I don't know if I really belong here so ...

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Old 05-22-10, 06:32 AM   #1
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Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here, and, frankly, I don't know if I really belong here so I might delete this in a few hours and never come back. I don't know...half the time I feel like I have depression, but the rest of the time I just think I'm being melodramatic. I don't know - is that normal? I've never seen anyone about it, so it probably is just me being a brat...either way, I'm getting desperate and I really need to just talk to someone and get it all off my chest, which is why I'm here.

I'm 20 years old and live half at home and half away from home, and my family just makes me miserable. My father's an alcoholic who stays up until 2am every night getting drunk and watching porn, and refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. So I usually spend my nights hiding from him in my bedroom - he's a horrible drunk, so I try and avoid him when he gets tipsy.

My mother is quite possibly the most selfish person in existence, and she wouldn't give a damn about me if it weren't for the fact that I inconvenience her. So, basically, I only see her two days a week and she spends the entire time screaming at me, calling me a brat and complaining about how much I get in her way. That's actually what prompted me to post here - last week I realised that I was walking around the house silently, with my back against the walls, eyes on the floor and trying to stop her from noticing me, and tonight I was too afraid to ask her for advice on cooking dinner because she always gets angry when I do that.

She's been ignoring me for the last two weeks, and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, I'm a pretty selfish person myself (or so I've been told) and I want her to be at least kind of interested in me, but on the other hand our conversations never seem to end well. So now I'm just confused.

Oh, and on top of all of this, I overheard my siblings, who I consider to be good friends, talking about how I'm a spoiled brat last week. So yeah.

Anyway, I've spent the last year feeling pretty miserable, I usually end up having a crying fit two or three times a week, I can't focus on anything, I've stopped going out to parties because I don't have the energy and two weeks ago I nearly cut myself for the first time. And I can't tell anyone about it because my family is causing all of the problems and my friends are all dealing with problems of their own that are much worse than mine so I don't want to add to their burden. I really am desperate to talk to someone...especially because I still can't figure out if I actually have problems or if I'm just being stupid and melodramatic and blowing everything out of proportion. Help?
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Old 05-22-10, 07:11 AM   #2
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Hello and welcome. I am new here too. First off let me say I am concerned for your situation. Your home does not sound like a healthy environment for you to be in. Do you mind me asking how old you are? Do you have the means or abillity to move in with a friend or a relative for a while? The environment you are in can only lead to bad things. Now I dont know what type of person you are as in are you a spoiled brat or just a little overdramatic or seriously plagued and in need of help so I will treat this as a genuine cry for help. The first and most pressing thing to be concerned with is your fathers alcohol problem. How long has this been going on? How is his relationship with your mom? Has he ever abused you or your siblings or your mother? You are doing the right thing by staying away from him and your mom when they are like that. If you have any more information about what you are experiencing that would be helpful. How long has this been going on? To me it sounds like you genuinely need some assistance. However it also seems like some other members of your family need some help as well. Please keep me posted as to whatever I may be able to do to help.

Pete
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Old 05-22-10, 07:13 AM   #3
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"Half the time I feel like I have depression, but the rest of the time I just think I'm being melodramatic" that sounds "normal" for someone with depression. It seems to me that you have a difficult family situation. Wow. You sound like a strong person to manage it at all.

I'd highly recommend talking to someone. If you are in school, you might try that avenue first. A professional could best assess your situation.
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Old 05-22-10, 09:59 AM   #4
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Hi Tash, you are amazing dealing with what you are dealing with. I think it would impact anyone. You do sound like you are depressed, it isn't normal to have crying fits every week and to want to cut yourself.

If there's anyway you can get away from home and not live there that would be good, it sounds as if its really destructive. I realise that may not be practical. Try and remember that your parents have their own problems, you don't have to take on their issues and get some distance.

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Big hugs!
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Old 05-23-10, 04:13 AM   #5
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Thanks for replies everyone. I can't believe how much it helps knowing other people are listening - I got up this morning feeling better than I have in months. I really do appreciate your thoughts.

To answer your questions, Pete, I'm 20 years old and I actually do live away from home from Monday to Friday. I can't actually support myself though - I'm a uni student - so my parents pay my rent. I go home on weekends mostly because I work in the next suburb to my family home, and I really do need money of my own because I pay for everything I need apart from rent. Plus, my dad's a decent guy when he's sober, so I really do feel obliged to go home on weekends.

As for my Dad, he's never been abusive and I really can't see him becoming abusive. The problem is more that he gets really rude and obnoxious (he usually starts bitching about my mum, for example) when he's drunk and tends to have really sudden mood changes - one minute he's laughing at a joke no one else can see, and the next minute he's storming off, furious at me because he thinks I'm ignoring him when he doesn't hear me answer a question. I just don't know how to deal with it, and the smell of wine makes me physically sick these days, so I've been trying to avoid it.

Dad's been drinking for 5 or 6 years now, and everyone in the family has tried to talk to him about it but he won't admit that he has a problem. I don't think he even realises that he drinks more than the average person. The only time he's ever deliberately slowed down was when he found out he had high blood pressure and mum reminded him that his father died of a heart attack, but even then he slowed for about two weeks and started up again. He's too stubborn - none of us can get through to him.

My parents don't have the best relationship - they started fighting constantly not long after dad started drinking. I think it's actually gotten a little better lately, though. They still sleep in separate rooms, but I saw them actually watching TV together last night - as in, they were in the same room, talking pleasantly, for several hours without fighting. That's more than they've managed for a few years, so fingers crossed they'll be able to sort it out.

I really can't say how long mum's been acting weirdly, though. I used to get along with her really well, and it must have built up really gradually because I didn't even notice anything was wrong until a couple of years ago when I realised that she was just constantly in a bad mood and always taking it out on my sister and me. Again, she's not abusive or anything, she just yells more than anything. That was still bearable, but then my sister moved away and suddenly I got the full share, and it's been slowly getting worse ever since.

It's a bit weird though, because she was actually acting really nice today. I didn't really know how to respond when she said goodbye to me when I left, as though she were a normal mum who would actually miss me during the week - usually she doesn't acknowledge me leaving at all. Seriously - when I came home on Friday, my dad said hi to me and Mum started yelling at him for not listening to her when she was talking to him. And then today she acts nicer to me than she has in the last ten months, at least. It's stuff like this that makes me feel like I'm just a drama queen with a bad case of teenage angst.

SomethingInTheWay - I had considered going to see a professional, but whenever I'm away from home everything just seems so much more bearable that I feel ridiculous for having thought about it. I don't know, I think I'll wait until after the winter holidays (they start in 2 weeks) and see if it gets worse or better. Thanks for the advice, though.
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Old 05-23-10, 07:35 AM   #6
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What part of the UK do you live in? Half of my family is there, some in London and some in Somerset. Anyhow did your dad start drinking as a result of his problems with your mom? And did your mom start having issues with you because of your dads drinking? Drinking can cause issues with everyone in the household. You will always feel that obligation to both of your parents but always remember that their issues are something that you cant change no matter what. Their life is totally seperate from yours and so are their issues. Keep us posted.

Peace
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