My supervisor at work has been severely emotionally and psychologically abusing me for the last couple months.
I’ve had a couple nervous breakdowns during this time.
It’s a lot to describe. In short: from telling me that I was missing money in my register but he will “forgive” it to me to not putting me in schedule to mocking me and etc. this is the same boss who 3-4 years ago offered me money to sleep with him. I said no. He said if I was smarter I would have made my life much easier by now.
In the last heated conversation he said he could see through me and that those who suicide go to hell and etc etc ...I told him wtf he is talking about, and he just went on and on convincing me that this is what I am thinking about. And just did bunch of gaslighting on how he treats me nicely and I am just insane and paranoid.
My mother has told me couple months ago, that suicide is ok, sometimes it’s the answer.
Atm I am a little concerned over this virus situation. Especially that I’ve had dry cough for the last 3 days. And this is the exact moment when my mother decided to tell me the truth: that my father has abandoned me for the second time, and she doesn’t know why (WTF) or what I told him (victim blaming !!!!) that made him do that.
I was on limited contact with my father over the last year (text only). It’s complicated. He didn’t respond to my last messages back in November. I thought he died. But I wanted to know for sure. I didn’t want to contact anyone on my own to keep the situation on down low. I asked my mother to ask my aunt from fathers side. She kept dodging it: first waiting for a “good moment”, then “couldn’t reach her”, then waiting for a call back etc....
And this now, when I am sick in a city that has practically shut down with empty groceries stores, thousands miles away from her, she decided to tell me, that my father abandoned me for the second time and doesn’t give a shit if I am alive or not.
My situation is really dark. I am not actually suicidal, but just thinking, what’s the point of continuing this? There is literally zero people on this earth that care if I am here or not. But more of those that would rather not have me around.
May be the virus will get me and this all will be over soon.