Well I'm new here, and I don't really know why I'm even writing here, but here goes.

Well this year hasn't been the brightest for me, and it's getting to the point where I cant take it any more.

January was a good month to an extent, At that time I was happily in love and I enjoyed the best birthday I've had in years. I didn't know It wasn't going to last. Ironically for me, the day after my birthday my beloved Hamster dies, and considering it was the first proper pet death I've experienced it wasn't nice.

Then February came, My little sisters birthday went by and she happily waved in my face all the things I wanted but didn't get for my own birthday, but that's alright, after 14 years I'm used to her annoyance. But then me and my bf have some relationship issues, we argue. break up. I'm devastated, so I try to fix things, and after 5 hours apart we got back together. Its a huge relief for me at this time but It shook me a lot, I was terrified for the end.

March came. The End happened for me and him. I can't describe how it felt, but It was seriously killing me inside, He texted me when he broke up with me, at that time i hadn't left school so i held it together until I got to school, and then i just bust into tears in my friends arms. That day wasn't good at all. I didn't want to do anything, my best friend was worried for me, which only made me feel worse.

April and I was struggling but I was trying to be happy. Then if any more things could go worse I have a Migraine Attack at school, and the receptionist wouldn't let me go home for half an hour. When I got home mum had to call a paramedic as i was having a more serious attack, went completely numb on the left hand side of my body. That drained my energy for a week or so.

May was one of the quieter months, a happier time to an extent. I had my leavers Prom and my exams started. I was still unhappy though, and I remember I had begun cutting (not deep) around this time (or last month) as I would look at my arm in the exam hall. It was never deep, just scraping the skin, at the time i was furious with myself for not being strong enough to go deeper.

June was the month of exams, during this time I bumped into my ex and we 'did' things together, which at the time felt wonderful, but for days after I'd be in agony. The cutting ceased near the end of the month due to seeing my friends more and the end of school.

July has been interesting. I've been more involved in digital art and apart from that I've started to notice how much I've changed since the start of this year. The joy of this month is that my favourite chicken, Poppy, got ripped to shred by a fox one night, and I stumbled upon her shredded remains the next day. It made me furious, i kept asking myself why everything was going wrong? I grabbed some garden shears and cut down all the nettles and weeds that were near where she died for 3 hours. I had blisters on my thumbs but i didn't care, i was so upset and frustrated. Not only that but a goldfish we've had for well over 6 years died, she was my sisters but I did feel very sorry for her. by now my cutting was at a low

August. Well It's not even over yet but I know something bad is going to happen. I'm at the point where I know I am depressed. In fact, I found out my ex is with my 'friend' and she didn't tell me, he did! so that made me start cutting a little harder. I haven't made myself bleed yet, but the marks are visible for a few days. I'm not really going for deepness but more the burning sensation it leaves.
Lately I've been living like a machine. Where i live means i have no civilisation and i feel completely alone at times. I cant have friends over because the distance and every day is the same to me. I either live in my room or outside. i have nothing to do, which depresses me, I just waste my life on my computer and watching TV it makes me so annoyed with myself. I go on bike rides for a while to escape from my parents when they are annoying me. On Sunday I walked for two hours just as something to do. my feet were covered in blisters, it was over 5 miles i think. I just sit in my room with nothing to do. i get so irritated and angry at my family for silly little reasons and when it gets to around 10:30 my internet gets cut off and then i spend the remainder laying in bed, not being able to get asleep until gone 1:00am, this is when i self harm, listening to some music until i fall asleep with it still playing. usualy waking up the next day to mum shouting at me to get up, or my ipod has gone really loud and i wake up at like 8:00

I'm sorry this has gotten so long, I never intended it to become so many paragraphs. My parents don't know I self harm or that I'm depressed. sometimes I'm fine and happy but the day usually ends with me being depressed hidden in my room.

I'd really like to know if anyone else is feeling like I do, It would be nice to know I'm not alone in the world.

Your not alone I feel the same but without the self harm and relationship issues everything seems to go wrong and all I do is mope around and try and stay amused...

I really suggest you stop the harming though it can get extremely bad and you could get very Sick...physically and mentally

You should tell someone with best friends seems to care about you she'll listen

If you need and support or anything feel free to message me and I'll do my best :)

You're not alone. I'm sorry about your boyfriend, especially that he's dating your friend- that's really shitty.

Do you have any creative outlets? Do you write, sing, dance, draw?

I didn't self harm last night, so helpfully I can keep it that way :)
My best friend is currently seeing her nan and won't be back till Sunday, but i will talk to her then. Thank you :3

It is very shitty, I guess its good to know I'm not alone, thank you :)

I do some drawing sometimes, mainly digital art. At the moment I'm trying to make some money out of it, but it's not going too well

You are definitely not alone. Depression is the most common mental disorder out there and I have suffered from it immensely.

I would recommend spending plenty of time with your friends. It is truly amazing what a positive impact friends can have on an individual.

Wow you are a brilliant writer. Im guess you are fairly young if you're still at school? One piece of advice...although I know its easier in theory than to do..but dont waste your heart & energy getting hung up over players, that only want you for some fun, for a while, but also have their eyes on other girls. Shame also on your friend for going behind your back, but also she is young too, &

dam i lost half my reply :(

okay :) thank you <3

am I? that is the longest thing I've written in a while :3 I left school this year, and in September its 6Form :) and okay, thank you

dam :( no worries :3