lostcause16 - First off, welcome to TTL!
You know, this one statement you made, truly caught my attention. "I am a nice, caring, understanding, kind, trustworthy person and I would give my life to help another person that needs me... I dont see why I deserve this horrible hand I've been dealt in life but im here holding it anyway!" I had to stop and "remind" myself, I wasn't talking about myself. We are 'delt' things in our lives that we feel, we should have been delt a much better hand
. Even though it is what it is, we can always try to endure it, work thru it, and just keep pushing/moving forward.
I feel the same way(s) you do, when it comes to people within my life. I'm the one that (also) gets 'left out to dry.' There's really no rhym or reason(s) for it, but I have learned not to allow people to take advantage of myself. People will take and take, with no ending to it, unless we are the one to put the foot down and quit 'enabling them' to do so.
Things in my past often 'creep' up on me or also 'haunt' me as well. The one thing to try to remember, the past is the past
. While I understand (even at times with myself) that it does affect our current situation(s), we still need to find ways to move forward from it.
Have you considered writing in a journal? That seems to help myself, when I need to try to 'sort' things out and just release all the 'build up' I'm feeling inside. While it's just a thought/suggestion, it may/might help you as well.
I can say this. People here deeply, sincerely, and honestly care.
You'll be amazed how much a complete stranger can be so supportive, caring, and completely understanding.
You'll have people to talk to here! That alone, sometimes, is just what we need to start to a new path and a new journey within our lives!