Military newlyweds and nothing is going right....
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Military newlyweds and nothing is going right....

This is a discussion on Military newlyweds and nothing is going right.... within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; My hubby serves in the Navy and we just got married in 2/14. We are high school sweethearts and have ...

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Old 12-16-14, 02:49 AM   #1
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Default Military newlyweds and nothing is going right....

My hubby serves in the Navy and we just got married in 2/14. We are high school sweethearts and have had a great relationship since we were 14 (21 now). Ever since we said our vows, things have been turning for the worse and nothing is going good in any aspect of our marriage.

Being married into military, I obviously had to leave everything behind to live with him 1000 miles away: family, friends, and transferring colleges. While searching for a house, we lived in the barracks for 3 months in the summer. While this situation was difficult, we finally moved into our first home together in August. The day after we moved in, I got fired from my job after working there only one month because 'I don't fit the position.' According to our home contract, I have to be in school full time and have a job full time. So far, I've been unemployed for 5 months with only 4 interviews. The bank is going to take over our house soon since I can't find one, and it's getting to the point where I'm desperate for job. I even applied to work at a gentlemen's club because no one will hire me.

My husband's credit score got destroyed around the time we bought our house. It was 700+, but went down significantly for buying a home. Two months ago, we found out his identity was stolen and someone bought a 26,000$ truck under his name in Oregon and a Mitsubishi motorcycle in LA. His account is still in the negatives and we are living off of the little emergency money from his bank.

Since I can't contribute for our financial problems due to unemployment, we barely live paycheck to paycheck. The minute he receives his check, it's all gone within the day to pay for bills. Despite this, we are still 2 months behind on mortgage. We have been eating one meal a day since November, only eating Ramen and 1$ microwave rice pouches since it's all we can afford. Today, we tried getting aid from the relief society on base, but they couldn't help us since his account is negative. My poor parents have been paying for all of my bills (car, cell phone) until *I can start paying for them again.

As stated earlier, I'm a full time college student, but I transferred to come down here and now take online courses through OSU. I've never received anything below a C+ in grades before, but it all changed this term. During my study week for finals in December, my great grandma passed away. I couldn't even travel to her funeral because not only was is during my finals week, but I literally could not afford the gas to make the trip. I was (and still) so upset about this, that I barely studied and got a D.

Above all, our marriage is severely in trouble already. This should be our honeymoon period, but we haven't been intimate at all in 6 months. With all of this stress, I overeat to calm myself and gained 30 pounds. He says my weight gain is just unattractive to him and now I've lost all confidence in myself. I REALLY hate snooping on him because I trusted him. For some reason, I had this awful gut feeling that something wasn't right*and found sexting on his phone and a profile on a sex dating website.*

With everything going in our lives right now, we are both extremely stressed and tired. He works so hard in the Navy only for his money to go towards keeping a roof over our heads. I am emotionally destroyed since the world is on my shoulders. It's up to me to find a job no matter where it is, or we lose everything and left on the streets (plus, the whole sexting thing lost my faith in our marriage but I'm trying to forgive). In the past, I've suffered from depression and I'm trying my best to not get to that point where I lose hope again.
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Old 12-16-14, 08:36 AM   #2
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sounds horrible, hope things get better.
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Old 12-16-14, 02:24 PM   #3
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Wow that is truly alot on both your plates. Are you eligible to receive unemployment? I am unsure where you are living. What are you studying to become? Is it possible to ask around for paid internships in your field of study? Are there any foodbanks in you're area? Not sure if you are religious, but some churches have programs for assistance. Are you able to use the base gym? maybe some exercise will alleviate some of the stress. I am unsure of your skill set or job interest, but could you be a waitress? that usually has flexible hours and there are small resturants and large ones to work for.

Keep posting, maybe some specifics of where you are will get people to respond if they are from the area.
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Old 12-16-14, 03:15 PM   #4
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Hmmm I do not understand. I used to be in the military and that did not seem to be requirement that the spouse needed to be employed as the soldier or officer received BAH, Basic Allowance for Housing. There were many spouses in my unit who did not work and it was fine. That sounds like a ridiculous thing to keep in a housing contract.

Is his unit helping with his financial situation since someone stole so much money? Or is his unit helping with anything for that matter?
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Old 12-17-14, 03:47 AM   #5
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So sorry to hear this. This is a lot to deal with. I've no advise how to overcome all those issues. Maybe you can sort those things being said by Dax.

I know it's hard. Take things one at a time. I'm glad your parents are helping. If we see it all together at the same time, it can be huge and make it difficult to sort.

Don't lose your grip with your self confidence, coz it will lead to other problem.

You can do it.
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