Is this in the right forum? I dont know, sorry if it's not.
This morning my bf vented to me. TBH it really brought me down. I feel so goddamn guilty. I am glad he can talk to me about things but I don't know if I can handle this.
He works in a steel factory as a CNC machine operator. It can be a very laborious job, especially if someone isn't pulling their weight on other shifts (he works in a small specialty shop).
Well he hasn't had a vacation from work since 2008
And it's starting to get to him. He needs to get away, but doesn't want to book off days just to sit at home. Because we are check to check he couldn't save up to go anywhere. He works so hard but has nothing to show for it. He deserves so much more better than this. He is a very nice man, all he does is help people and in return he gets ignored until someone needs something again.
It's all my fault. I haven't had a job since '08 that could pay the bills. Because I am crazy/depressed it's making him feel the same way. He just does a better job of handling it, or at least hiding it from people. Not only do I feel guilty but worthless because it seems there is nothing I can do to make it better. We both feel trapped, and now the room seems even smaller. I feel so hopeless, even though everyone keeps urging "dont worry it will get better". The past 4 years it's just been getting worse, despite our best efforts.
If he wasn't with me he wouldn't be paying off debts. If he wasn't with me he wouldn't be miserable like he is right now. If he wasn't with me he could of have become someone great. All I do is hold him back and bog him down.
He deserves someone who can hold him down and motivate him to do better. He deserves someone who loves him as much as they love themselves.
He deserves someone who can contribute to his quality of life.
He deserves to be better off without me.