It's my fault
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Depression Forums > Depression


It's my fault

This is a discussion on It's my fault within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Is this in the right forum? I dont know, sorry if it's not. This morning my bf vented to me. ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-09-12, 09:13 AM   #1
Member
 
DoubleRainbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 830
My Mood:
Default It's my fault

Is this in the right forum? I dont know, sorry if it's not.

This morning my bf vented to me. TBH it really brought me down. I feel so goddamn guilty. I am glad he can talk to me about things but I don't know if I can handle this.
He works in a steel factory as a CNC machine operator. It can be a very laborious job, especially if someone isn't pulling their weight on other shifts (he works in a small specialty shop).
Well he hasn't had a vacation from work since 2008 And it's starting to get to him. He needs to get away, but doesn't want to book off days just to sit at home. Because we are check to check he couldn't save up to go anywhere. He works so hard but has nothing to show for it. He deserves so much more better than this. He is a very nice man, all he does is help people and in return he gets ignored until someone needs something again.

It's all my fault. I haven't had a job since '08 that could pay the bills. Because I am crazy/depressed it's making him feel the same way. He just does a better job of handling it, or at least hiding it from people. Not only do I feel guilty but worthless because it seems there is nothing I can do to make it better. We both feel trapped, and now the room seems even smaller. I feel so hopeless, even though everyone keeps urging "dont worry it will get better". The past 4 years it's just been getting worse, despite our best efforts.

If he wasn't with me he wouldn't be paying off debts. If he wasn't with me he wouldn't be miserable like he is right now. If he wasn't with me he could of have become someone great. All I do is hold him back and bog him down.

He deserves someone who can hold him down and motivate him to do better. He deserves someone who loves him as much as they love themselves.
He deserves someone who can contribute to his quality of life.
He deserves to be better off without me.
__________________
It's a double rainbow!
What does it MEAN!?!


School teaches knowledge of the ruling class, Life teaches Knowledge of Self.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DoubleRainbow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-12, 10:19 AM   #2
TTL Bronze Member
 
celery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,983
Default

Hi DoubleRainbow

I don't really know what to say :(. I understand what you are feeling and have felt the same way in a similar situation to yours. I remember people asking me if I'd do the same for my partner and I knew without doubt that I would, even though in all honesty, I knew I'd have moments of frustration like your boyfriend's having now:(.
I don't have any advice... I hear you though... What he's feeling is normal and I think what you are feeling is too...I understand the feeling of being the one holding the other back and feeling selfish and guilty for being with them.
I am sorry,DoubleRainbow... I wish I had something better to say...
I will listen though if you want to talk more...if that helps
__________________
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
celery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-12, 11:20 AM   #3
dax
TTL Bronze Member
 
dax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California USA
Posts: 6,618
My Mood:
Default

DoubleRainbow I was browsing the forum and had to log on to respond to your thread. I understand how difficult your situations is, I wish there was a way I could help you. But the thing is I feel it is not your fault. The day you got into your vehicle and was in the accident, you never intended that to happen. The day the lawyers screwed up and didn't sue the other driver wasn't your fault either. You did nothing on purpose to warrant the situation that you are in now. If anyone is at fault, it's the idiot driver who crashed into you and the lawyers for not doing their job to get you compensation.

I know you feel that you hold your boyfriend back, but its obvious he cares about you. I'm sure he is just needing that break from work and wouldn't want you to feel this way. If it were me, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to feel it's her fault at all. Sometimes life is just messed up that way.....screwing good people for no reason at all. I was just curious would it be possible for the two of you to move into his parents house so you two could catch up on your bills? I know it's not an ideal situation but my cousin did that so he could save for a house. Please don't give up DoubleRainbow, you deserve some piece of mind from this. The last couple of times I bought my lottery ticket, I thought of you, aries, and others on here that I would gladly share some of my winnings with so that we may all be out of that part of hell.
dax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-12, 06:09 PM   #4
Member
 
DoubleRainbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 830
My Mood:
Default


thanks guys. Even though he tells me its not my fault, I still feel like it is. I can't help it.
His parents live in the same building as me. I wouldn't want to move in there for a cpl reasons. They are chain smokers (I have asthma) their apartment is smaller than ours (they live in the same building as us) and we would have no place to put our stuff (no place for storage or $$ for storage). They would also ask us to pay for rent (even though they live rent free as they are the supers of the building. Thats what they did before, thats why we got our own apartment) So not really feasible. None of our parents can help us other than repeating "dont worry it will get better" when it obviously wont. It just makes me want to punch ppl in the face whenever I hear that.
You're such a sweetheart, dax
__________________
It's a double rainbow!
What does it MEAN!?!


School teaches knowledge of the ruling class, Life teaches Knowledge of Self.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DoubleRainbow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-12, 06:49 PM   #5
dax
TTL Bronze Member
 
dax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California USA
Posts: 6,618
My Mood:
Default

aw that sucks....they would really charge you rent? though i guess it's a moot point as they smoke and you have no place for your things. i will pray things get better for you and your boyfriend. maybe some miracle will happen and something good happens soon. i wish i had some other ideas to help you, i'm sure if other family could help you two out you would have used that option.
dax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-10-12, 10:25 AM   #6
Member
 
DoubleRainbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 830
My Mood:
Default

I appreciate your kind words and thought dax. You're a good friend
__________________
It's a double rainbow!
What does it MEAN!?!


School teaches knowledge of the ruling class, Life teaches Knowledge of Self.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DoubleRainbow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-10-12, 11:32 AM   #7
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Sweden
Posts: 106
My Mood:
Default

Rainbow, without you, he would be even MORE miserable!
He obviously loves you very much, if he can understand why you cant work and he does it without turning it against you.
What would he have in his life without you? Nothing. Only work.
That is not worth living for.

It seems to be hard for you too, I know how it is to let the man work while you actually dont have the physical strength for it :)
It's not easy, and its easy to feel ashamed or guilty for letting him do all the work, but its not like that. :) You're doing everything you can! Don't panic and get even more anxious and stressed because you feel guilty..
He does this by his own choice. He loves you. :)
thetouchofsunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-10-12, 11:59 PM   #8
Member
 
DoubleRainbow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 830
My Mood:
Default

If he was never with me in the first place he wouldn't be miserable I am sure. I got us in the gutter, deep down.

Im a failure and its all my fault.
__________________
It's a double rainbow!
What does it MEAN!?!


School teaches knowledge of the ruling class, Life teaches Knowledge of Self.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DoubleRainbow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-12, 01:43 AM   #9
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Sweden
Posts: 106
My Mood:
Default

DoubleRainbow, he has a choice, every man and woman has. And he WANTS to be with you
You're growing stronger as a couple when you're dealing with something not so easy
I think you are a wonderful person and that's why he loves you. Every person has personal issues, but not every woman has a good heart and soul. YOU deserve him DoubleRainbow, dont think otherwise
thetouchofsunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-12, 03:44 AM   #10
New Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 14
Default

I don't see how having such a caring, intelligent girlfriend could be a bad thing! I think you're looking at it the wrong way; you are being way too hard on yourself I do the same thing. Too many good, intelligent people are too hard on themselves.
AD01L is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
guilt, hopeless, worthless, relationship

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:26 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2022 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2022 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2