I'm useless
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I'm useless

This is a discussion on I'm useless within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I'm honestly not sure if anyone is going to read this. That's ok, I guess maybe writing it will help ...

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Old 05-09-16, 05:48 AM   #1
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Unhappy I'm useless

I'm honestly not sure if anyone is going to read this. That's ok, I guess maybe writing it will help me get it off my mind. By the title alone I'm willing to bet you can guess how I feel, helpless. I suppose I should give a bit of back story to clearify. So I'm 27, I live with my grandparents, I have a part time job which I've been at for over 8 years. That's really all there is to say, it's not really all that spectacular. My job isn't great but it comes with some benefits, in total I make about minimum wages someone holding a full time would make which I guess I should be grateful. My folks don't mind having me around, they enjoy me being around despite my introverted tendencies (more on that later). I guess I should also be grateful I don't have the looming suspicion i'll get kicked out any time soon.

Truth is i'm not happy, I mean I could talk about where I feel my life went wrong or what I'd do if I could go back in time but that's pointless. Really I just wish I had a leg to stand. I don't really think I have anything like that. I have a huge interest in animals and know little tidbits here and there about them. Other then that I love video games. While, yes, I am a nerd...my interest aren't anything useful. Call me a pessimist, but I highly doubt knowing a jellyfishes life cycle or talking about what's awesome about final fantasy 9 will be able to repair a car or climb the corporate ladder.

I suppose one might say furthering my education would be preferable. Truth is I've attempted college twice, both times I dropped out because I couldn't stick with it. I just lost interest and needless to say it was a waste of money. Even if I was going to attempt it a 3rd time, I don't have the funds to do so and fear taking out a loan only to fall though again. Believe me, debt is the one thing I really don't need, I don't have it, don't want it, but I fear it more then I should. So I guess the other side to that is getting a 2nd job. Honestly that's probably what i'll have to do tho thinking about it makes me sad. No one wants to be forced to have to do anything. I'm no exception but at the same time I know I'm also really lazy. In all honesty it'll probably end up becoming one of those situations where I put it off until I really don't have any choice but to take up another job.

Speaking of which my job, it's nothing spectacular. I'll avoid using the name due to legal reasons (just in case). Tho if you're wondering it's a package delivery company. Mainly my job is taking one package on a conveyor belt and putting it on another. I know, real rocket science there. Anyways its the night shift and part time, I've been doing that for about 4 or so years. Before that (same shift) I use to load trailers. in total, I've been working for this company over 8 years. There are perks to the job. like I have insurance (medical, dental, ect.) and a yearly raise (tho it's only about 70 cents). So like I said in the beginning, I should be grateful, right? I mean it's something not everyone is fortunate to have. I mean it's not like I hate the job either. but I don't love it. In the end I just tolerate it.

Now then I also brought up my living situation, I live with my grandparents. as i said I don't feel like they are going to kick me out or anything. I do pay rent and if at all they need my help I'm more then willing to help. That said I'm an introvert. Most times I find myself hiding out in my room because I don't want to to go down and socialize. If it were up to me I'd stay in my room and play video games or something else along those lines. I'm really not a fan of social interaction. That said I have to go and interact with my grandparents otherwise they worry (or so I feel). I feel like I've become this burden to them. I know that really isn't the case. However, it kinda is, I mean I'm 27. I live in they're house, I'm not really doing anything to better me...I'm just kinda leeching off them. The only difference I feel is I'm not leeching off them like I feel I could abuse (which I don't want too).

So how am I here now? I guess when it comes down to it I've been thinking about my own financial situation. Realizing if I had to hold my own I couldn't save my life based on the skills I have. The saddest part is with that mind set and realizing I'm still young, well it's kinda like I'm just gonna be waiting a long time in misery until I die. I honestly don't have any notion to commit suicide, that's not how I want to go out. I just wish I knew how I could be useful and obtain it. Find some worth in the lameness I've achieved.
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Old 05-10-16, 01:47 PM   #2
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Maybe you just haven't found your thing yet, that something that will inspire you, motivate you and make you feel good about yourself. Maybe you need a change of scenery, get out of the routine, explore more ... find out what it is that will really make you happy.
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Old 05-10-16, 02:14 PM   #3
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Yea, that sounds like something that would fix redundancy. I don't know where I'd start. How do you explore when this is the only stability I have...
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Old 05-10-16, 02:41 PM   #4
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The internet has given us all access to just about anything we want to find out. Maybe start watching some inspirational TED Talks on motivation. There's a good book that might help called Find Your Thing by Lucy Whittington. I don't suggest you let go of your security but actively start looking for something else to shift your security onto. We most often are trapped by our fears so that's another place to start exploring. There are loads of great videos on all sort of subjects on YouTube. Start watching ... :)
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