Well, hello. I think I need to confess quickly myself (not really quickly buuut 😅) and I need some advice or idk.
Okay so, it's been a while since I've been able to say to myself, "You ARE depressed and you ARE having suicidal thoughts. You NEED help."
Because before, I helped a friend of mine who was suicidal and depressed to get out of it. (Now she's happy and has a great boyfriend she can count on.) And considering what she was going through, I couldn't tell myself that I too was depressed. I thought I didn't deserve help, and that everything would get better. (well, guess what? It's not)
So I've been giving up on my studies for a while now, and I can't do anything. And confinement doesn't help much, you know ?
So friends of mine who are doing their best to support me, advised me to tell my parents. Because they were there, and anyway I had some confidence in my parents. And I knew they were going to help me.
(Well, I guess I was a little wrong...)
I slipped a letter under their doors, which explained (without dramatizing) that I couldn't keep up with my studies, and that my depression was maybe one of the causes.
And so my mother came to give me a hug, to comfort me. And when I insisted that I didn't want to worry her, she told me that she wasn't worried. That she's going to do whatever she needs to do to help me with my studies.
And about my depression (which she didn't really mention) she told me "that it was nothing, that it happens to everybody to feel not so good from time to time. There are times like that... She also cried when she was young without knowing why and didn't feel very well."
So I guess she blamed it on being young and stressed out about school.
And today (we're on holiday here in France, it's the last day) I decided to go ahead with my homework that I hadn't finished during the holidays. And I had a hard time doing them.
She said, "Just because you're okay now, because we talked to the school... doesn't mean you don't have to work."
And I'm not fine now, just because we talked about school together, doesn't mean I'm fine again.
I don't think she took me seriously.
I don't think she takes depression seriously in general. She often says when the whole family's been on the couch for a while and not talking to each other that "Wow, we're all depressed, haha."
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sick of this situation and I want to find a way to get better, but if even my parents don't take me seriously... idk
Thanks for reading all this