i just can't take this crap anymore..... first thread
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i just can't take this crap anymore..... first thread

This is a discussion on i just can't take this crap anymore..... first thread within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; so i'm really really socially awkward. i look normal but i'm fucking weird. i hate everything about myself. from the ...

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Old 02-17-12, 09:15 PM   #1
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Exclamation i just can't take this crap anymore..... first thread

so i'm really really socially awkward. i look normal but i'm fucking weird. i hate everything about myself. from the way i look to my whole life. i'm a hermit...i'm abusive and not proud. i don't know whats wrong with me. my life is total chaos and i just want to end it. not a day goes by that i'm not in tears. my boyfriend tells me that when i black out it looks like i'm having an exorcism and it scares him. he needs to hold me down, i contort and scream and thrash and try to harm myself and slam my head against the wall and harm him too. I'm a mess....my doctor doesn't even care because it's a county funded doctor (i can't afford insurance). i'm such a sad and angry person it really sucks i miss being happy, it's all i want i push my friends away because i see them being happy and growing up, getting married, having families and i'm just stuck being an ugly fat piece of crap with a cat who is going to end up taking all her meds at once and her boyfriend is going to come home and find her dead. i can't take this anymore....my mind is slipping...my brain isn't working properly anymore i can tell something isn't right. just 2 years ago it wasn't this bad, i wasn't this insecure. i'm scared in another two years i won't be alive, and my dr doesn't even care. this took a lot to post since i am EXTREMELY paranoid and suffer from paranoia and also think no one will like me so yikes, hopefully none of you will think i'm a total weirdo /end rant.

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Old 02-17-12, 11:22 PM   #2
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LoveMyEclipse - First of all, welcome! As I was reading your posting, my heart truly goes out to you. Nobody here judges anybody, their issues, or their problems. We are all here to seek advice, support, and somebody that understands.

As I was reading your posting, I'm wondering if you suffer from seizures? Just some of the things you mentioned just made me think that. In my opinion, it's time to see another or different doctor. There's something go on, more than what this doctor you're currently seeing is doing for you. I realise that you don't have insurance, but there has to be somebody else that you're able to see? Have you thought of keeping track of them? The reason I'm suggesting this is why. You need to see when you're having them, how often, and if anything (ie like certain foods) seems to make them worse/better.

It's nice to meet you as well....
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Old 02-18-12, 01:26 AM   #3
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hey there thanks for the response , actually yes i am epileptic. thats so weird you guessed lol. yeah i'm actually going to try and get insurance soon because honestly the place i go to makes me feel really bad. i'm spose to be meeting with a counselor there and they don't even call me back or meet with me so....they could care less. oh wells! but could seizures be making this all worse?
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Old 02-18-12, 01:27 AM   #4
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Hi LoveMyEclipse,

There's definitely nothing wrong with being weird, it's normal depending on who you ask. Not being happy is definitely not good though. Is your primary goal to be happy, or to not be weird?

I'm guessing the brain not working properly anymore is probably going to be the paranoia and the resulting stress from what you're saying. The more things to worry about and the more stress the less functional the brain becomes. My stress/worrying is my killer right now, makes me stay home and do nothing way too much. That and my social skills are awful ha.

Are you trying anything to change to where you want to be?
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