I want to take my life and have strugled with this fealing for a long time now and i have been a coward and not gone through with it

The fact that you haven't is NOT a sign of cowardice. It is a sign of strength!

I can really relate to those lines of the sea changing and some times it feals like i do it on porpuse and sabotage myself and find something hiden that is small in words but big in pain i have been told that it seems i am adicted to fealing miserable. Thank you for taking the time to look at my post and write those great lines.

never give up. we all serve a purpose in this world. wake up every morning with positive thoughts. begin by doing something for the first time. never lose faith. we all find light at the end of every dark path. i wish you the best.

Thank you cbreezy i realy yern for that light and will take your advise in to great consideration