I feel that my depresion is breaking my relationship
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I feel that my depresion is breaking my relationship

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Old 05-27-18, 01:59 PM   #1
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Default I feel that my depresion is breaking my relationship

Hello im not sure if im posting this in the correct place i will explain my problem.

I have been struggling with this for 5 months now because a number of problems that appeared in my life and created me a lot of stress.

When i knew my girlfriend i was totally different i was a really happy person and a really active person aswell, but now i feel really sad most times and i dont wanna do anything literally i just want to let the time pass and breath because a lot of times i feel that i cant breath.

I did a lot of horrible mistakes and give replies to her that she doesnt deserve when i get anxious about all the problems and when i feel a bit calm i notice how stupid i was and how wrong i was.

she always had a lot of patience with me and the situation and listened to me and tried to support me as best as she could and even when she was doing that i felt like she didnt love me and i felt like all was bad even tho she said me hundreds of times that.

I know that i feel that because im feeling sad and that she is really happy with and she only wants to see me improve and be happy again since she proves me that over and over.

Now she is starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by the situation and she is telling me that i cant use depression as an excuse to all the mistakes i made and make even tho i know than that is the problem because i would never do and say things that i say when im at my limit and when i feel better i notice how stupid and how wrong i was. I dont know how to handle it i had times i dont want to overwhelm her i want her to stay as calm as possible and i dont want to turn my problems her problems.

I started to feel better but a couple of days before i went down again but now i feel like something is changing and i tell her that but i think that she didnt believe me since i told her that im feeling happier other times and i went down again but i trully feel that im getting better.



Sorry for the possible mistakes i made english is not my first language and sorry for the lack of order about all the things explained above.
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Old 05-28-18, 03:49 PM   #2
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HI Alberto:

I've been in your shoes, still am if you want to know the truth, and I've been in hers as well. Depression and anxiety do put a strain on any relationship: family, personal, and professional as well.

Are you getting professional help at this point?
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Old 05-28-18, 09:56 PM   #3
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Im not getting it yet im gonna get it but due to the cost and that i cant afford a private therapist now im waiting for the social security therapist and i need to wait 18 days more.
The problem right now is that she doesnt understand what im going through, she thinks that im just really sad and dont understand how bad this situation is for me and how hard is to have hope and to be happy in this moment. I dont really know how to make her understand it and i dont want to overwhelm her but i would like her to give me some support and understand it because since a few days ago she thinks that i use all of this as an excuse and that i cant blame depression for being so sad for being out of my mind or for that kind of things that everyone feels when they are depressed.

How can i make her see all of this and that is not just being really sad that this is way bigger than this.

Im so confused and each time i gather my strenght to talk about it with her i just get the same answers that make me want to talk about it ("you cant blame depression", "you need to think more about what you say and do","you are using depression as an excuse"... and this kind of replies that only show me that she doesnt understand this) less and less and share with her less and less which i dont feel that is a good idea.

For me the most important thing on a relationship is comunication and sometimes i feel that is pointless to try to explain myself and try to make her see how this is affecting to me.

I even said her if this is becoming too much for you i can understand that you need some space and we can give eachother some time until i feel better. I needed all my strenght to say her that since there was the possibility that she would reply "yes i need it" and it could mean that it was the end of our relationship but her answer was "no way i want to help you" but then, with her words and actions, she shows me that she doesnt understand.

I only ask her to be a bit more affectionate and to have some patience with me which i dont feel that it is a lot.

I just dont understand what to do at this point and i feel so lost which is not helping my mindstate.

Thanks for your words kh440 and thanks for your time its nice to see that someone understand all of this.
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Old 05-29-18, 12:48 PM   #4
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First off you are seeking help so be proud of yourself for taking that action. Often times the hardest part is admitting there is a problem in the first place.

Second: you offered her a way out and she didn't take it. That is also a very good sign and you should take some comfort in that as well.

Just my opinion here, but it's probably difficult for her to understand because it's hard for you to explain exactly what you're going through, and that really isn't your fault. It's hard to explain how one day can be fine and the next, not so fine when you don't even fully understand the how or why of it all yourself. (Ask me how I know) If I read this correctly you've experienced several traumas in a short period of time and it's easy to get overwhelmed. Because you don't really know what is wrong you can't articulate it so she doesn't know how to help. Again, it's nobody's fault. It's just a vicious circle at this stage. Hopefully you'll get some clarity when you see your counselor, but please do not go into this expecting you'll magically "cured" in one session. It will take time.

So, what can you do in the meantime to try and help yourself? I would suggest you study the practice of Naikan (pronounced ny-con). It's a method of self reflection that focuses on gratitude. There are articles and books about the subject all over the internet. It's helped with my day to day anxiety so it may help you get from day to day.
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Old 05-29-18, 02:02 PM   #5
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Depression isn't your fault, Alberto
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