I dont know how to move on with my life...
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I dont know how to move on with my life...

This is a discussion on I dont know how to move on with my life... within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hello guys and gals I am writing whats going on in my life because I really don't got anyone to ...

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Old 03-08-14, 07:52 AM   #1
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Default I dont know how to move on with my life...

Hello guys and gals I am writing whats going on in my life because I really don't got anyone to talk to and even if I get no replies I guess ill be happy enough that I got to vent in someway because that's how pathetic I am I can only vent to a website of people I know nothing about.


Lately, I have been extremely depressed.. Lost. I am currently 18 years old just turned and in my area 18 is the bar age and that should be one of the most happiest times of a young mans life filled with friends joy and of course drunken adventure, In my teen years that was the case infact I probly had one of the most epic sweet 16's ever but that's another story. The problems I am facing with are 1. All my friends have abandoned me or are too "busy" for me and they have the nerve to call me brother or bro. I haven't saw any of them in months and when I do they aren't even really thrilled that I am there, infact the only people that are still friends in my life and like talking to me and are there for me are 1. My mom, 2. My 15 year old girlfriend... I know what your thinking 18 and 15 year old dating disgusting but idc I actually believed she was 17 till 2 months in and she is an amazing girl she is one of the only reasons I still have joy but she is gone away for a month and we cant communicate at all so that really sucks I just lost half of my support right there from a 15 year old girl haha see how pathetic my life really is when you need a 15 year old to be there for you or else you would be all alone. One of my ex's have remained friends with me since our breakup so sometimes we talk but it really isn't much than whats up and how is life.

That is the very least of what is bothering me infact if that was the only thing a little fucked in my life I really wouldn't be bothered and wouldn't be telling you people my life.

The most mid leveled problem I am facing is the sense of how much of a fuckup I really am. I had to move from my hometown about an hour away which is one of the reasons I don't have much friends anymore but if they were real I bet they could drive one hour away once a month to say hi, however in this run down trailer where I now live with my mother my grandfather my days consist of trying to get a job, I used to have a really nice welding job but I had a shot of going to the oil riggs and I jumped on it but the man offering the job was currently my mothers boyfriend and like all promises that came from my mother in my whole life they have never been even half fulfilled. I was stupid to give up my job for the chance to be on the riggs making 5000 dollars ever 2 weeks. So now I am jobless trying to get a job at some deadend grocery store place or whatever I can find so I can still keep living in this shitty trailer with my mom and grandpa at the age where most kids go to college or atleast have their own place but since I dropped out of highschool at grade 11 with some grade 9 and 10 classes unfinished I am pretty lost with the education setup I want to get a GED and have looked into some online highschooling but till I complete more things at hand like getting my license and getting a fucking job I really don't fucking know anymore. I usually go to sleep around either 7 in the morning or 4pm and wakeup around 9pm or 3am that's somewhat of me keeping track of my new sleep cycle. I sit around thinking of how I am lucky to be living how I do even with this shit and see how shitty the rest of the world is through vice news which is a non bullshit or propaganda group of journalists and I really want to help people around the world or atleast find an organization to put my life to use and show that not all lucky Canadians or Americans just care about themselves I would be honoured to help fight againsed the poverty and corruption that the whole otherworld faces and the rest of the north americans would rather have their daily episode of House Wives instead of give 2 minutes of their time to see how fucked the rest of the world is.... trouble is I cannot find how to fucking help anybody I don't know how to get involved and im guessing since I don't have my grade 12 that says I can do advanced math science and English that I don't have the right to put my heart infront of me and try and give awareness to the cesspool of society that likes to turn their head away from what real fucking pain and trouble is but you don't see them killing themselves they don't even have the rights or the money to go on a forum like this and talk about their problems. I wish I could fucking help those people but I feel like im being teared down by this fucking cesspool of humanity I hate being human I hate going on facebook and seeing people post problems about drama that they originally caused which is real bullshit and I hate seeing people think that they are in tough times its like "oh? trivial drama? post it on facebook" And also the idiots that either quote basic quotes people made in 500 BC to get likes and seem soooo cool and smart LOL those are usually posted by half naked bimbo's or the people that like posting their own quote's some are nice and creative but most are only liked because they are well liked. like if some fat guy posted the same quote society wouldn't give a fuck but a hot guy and look 65 likes and "omg that's so beautiful" or "Your so talented" I HATE BEING HUMAN I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING SOCIETY AND HUMANITY ARE SO FUCKED. And I shouldn't be complaining because like I told you guys my life is pretty horrible to and its not because I dont want to its because I dont know how to change my stars and actually be able to do something with my life. all I can do is sit on my fucking ass and yes I hate myself I am just as much of a piece of shit as all the rest of dumbass society in Canada and America.
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Old 03-08-14, 11:20 AM   #2
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Welcome to the forums Massacer.

I think that there are a few things you should be aware of. No one here is going to think you're some pathetic loser for posting here. We all come from different lives and backgrounds and have experienced the feelings of doubt, depression, suicide (I'm one of them) and so on. And many of us here are actually far more comfortable talking about our situations with people who in technical terms are complete strangers rather than our own kin. I'm sure, as I myself have experienced it myself, that they'll tell you how we are a family and we support each other to the best of our abilities.
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Old 03-08-14, 11:28 AM   #3
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Default Thank you crystal

I appreciate your reply even if it was gonna be a bad one viewing that my post got 1 reply gave me a little joy, thank you
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Old 03-08-14, 03:24 PM   #4
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Sometimes it just takes a little while before the responses are sent. It doesn't mean that nobody cares. Sometimes we identify with the situation a poster is going through but we dont have the answer in the immediate moment.

That being said, I do have a few things that might be helpful. The first is, to take it easy,that doesn't mean to do nothing but to not put yourself down if something doesn't go as you planned. This goes for all aspects of your life. Half the time, our greatest enemy is ourselves.

In your post you mentioned jobs, don't give up on finding one, don't get discoraged. I know the job market sucks, many of us are in the same situation but if we let fear and desperation overcome us, we won't get anywhere. I'm not saying suck it up because I know how unhelpful that can be, but don't give up.

On the relationship aspect, no I don't think its disgusting. I'm someone who doesn't believe in micromanagement. If a person is happy and their not causing themselves or others any harm, I say good for them. My only concern is to be careful. Society loves making examples out of the people who are not doing anyone any harm and teenage dating is often under the scope for reason I'm sure your aware of.

I also agree that alot of the time people are very superficial and get angry at how they love playing double standards. But we can't change others. The best thing to go about our lives, seeking our happiness. If we try to shoulder the world, we make our lives a constant torment.

Last but certainly not least,we all seek a purpose, to some it comes faster, to others it takes a little more time. But the thing is to not give up the fight. Your still young and have alot of time to choose so don't give up.
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Old 03-09-14, 12:25 AM   #5
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Thank you very much crystal I appreciate your words.
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