I cant deal its so unreal
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I cant deal its so unreal

This is a discussion on I cant deal its so unreal within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Ive never done anything like this before... Im ex military, used to be a combat medic. I barely eat these ...

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Old 08-02-14, 01:10 PM   #1
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Unhappy I cant deal its so unreal

Ive never done anything like this before... Im ex military, used to be a combat medic. I barely eat these days, I get like 3 hours of sleep per night, and I am sick and tired of being depressed.

Everyone around me tells me to talk about my problems, however, they dont want to hear it, "oh talk to someone about it, but not me" nobody wants to listen.

Ive seen some fucked up shit in my day but the memories that repeat and stick that i get to relive over and over everynight during my 3 hour sleep session are me watching myself clean the blood off my dead friends body and watching myself fail this child, i couldnt save him and the look on his fathers face sticks with me all the time. i dont know what to do, i dont think i want to be put on pills.

on top of that im in love with this chick who doesnt want anything to do with me because 1 time a year ago i had sex with one of her friends.

i cant stand being alone, it scares the shit out of me. the only reason im typing all this out right now is because im alone and scared and depressed. im not like this when im around other people, usually...

i need someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright but i guess i just dont deserve that kind of love. i dont feel loved by anyone, my mom is a distant cold person, and my dad was never around.
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Old 08-02-14, 02:13 PM   #2
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Hey you wonderful person, please dont ever say you dont deserve anything good in your life or from other people, we all deserve all the best no matter what we are going through, what we do not deserve is to be lonely and turned off by everyone, you can always turn up here and talk to us, theres always gonna be somebody who is willing to listen to you and maybe give some good advice, but most important to be here for you and all you are going through. You are strong and coming here and being still alive proves everything good about you :) hugssssss for you
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Old 08-02-14, 07:13 PM   #3
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Spierman~First of all, welcome to TTL.

As for your posting, hope you don't mind me posting my own thoughts. First of all, when I started reading your posting, it sounds to me like you may/might be suffering from PSTD(Posttraumatic stress disorder). While I am NOT a doctor or anything close to a professional here, it may/might be a good idea to seek some kind of support. In our state, they have a VA(Veterans Affairs)hospital, that helps military people with things, such as you seem to mention within your posting. Have you thought of/considered something like that? It maybe a good idea to check into that for yourself. To me, you deserve the best for serving your country, which we appreciate more than words can/could ever come close to saying to you. They have people, that truly have not only endured what you have or similar to it, they have trained staff that knows how difficult this must be for yourself. Just something to consider & hope you don't mind my suggestion.

For the relationship aspect of things. In my opinion only, I'm sure she was hurt by what transpired between you & her friend. It's hard to forget, but people can forgive. That being said, it's time that you try to move forward with things within your own life. Have you thought of volunteering your time? I'm a big advocate for people doing that for animals. Tons of them need help or just someone that gives their time;freely. Just something to consider, if you like animals. You may want to consider volunteering your time, some place else, that needs a "helping~hand" so to speak.

Things eventually will be okay. However, we need to keep moving & pushing ourselves twords whatever it is that we need, to make ourselves & our lives a bit more "easier" to contend with. I'm truly sorry about your parents, maybe this may/might help you out, if only just a bit. They are the one's missing out on your life;not the other way around. I'm sure you're a good person & just need someone to listen. Don't always think that "all door's are closed one's" when it comes to people. You've found this place & people here, are the most caring;period. Things will hopefully become a bit more easier for you, as you get the support(here) that you are searching for. Just know, we're here for you & we do care.
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Last edited by Aries; 08-02-14 at 07:15 PM.
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