Hi to all that read and take the time respond. This is my first posting...
I don't know how to go forward anymore.
I can go weeks without leaving the house, not even stepping out to check the mail. I lost my job a year ago, and although I hated it, I feel useless without one now. If not for my very patient boyfriend I would be homeless, but even he has a limit.
The only place I want to be is in bed, my only respite are my dreams which I enjoy more than the waking world. I am ALWAYS tired. TV fills all hours not asleep. I don't seem to enjoy anything anymore, even food for the most part.
I've cut myself off from friends and family as I just don't want to talk to anyone. I'm lonely, but seem to prefer it to sharing or having to put on a face or fake it.
I do take Prozac (most of the time) and I'm not new to depression, but I've never been so stuck or felt so bad about myself. When I look for a job, all I can think is "Who would possibly want to hire me?" When I look at myself in a mirror all I can think is, "Who would like you?"
I think the worst part is that I've struggled with depression and self esteem my whole life, but this is even darker. And any light at the end of the tunnel is quickly doused by the realization that even when this passes- IF this passes- it will come again. It always does. So why bother?
How do you go forward knowing that? How do you get UN-stuck??