How do I act 'positive'? (new member)
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How do I act 'positive'? (new member)

This is a discussion on How do I act 'positive'? (new member) within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I currently feel as if the main cause for my depression is my depression itself (I do sightly feel stupid ...

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Old 12-15-13, 07:40 AM   #1
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Default How do I act 'positive'? (new member)

I currently feel as if the main cause for my depression is my depression itself (I do sightly feel stupid calling it 'depression' because compared to what other people experience this is probably nothing). What I mean by this, is that I am an extremely negative person. I have always been like this, for as long as I can remember I have always felt that other people are better than me, I remember when i was 9 or so saying something like "The only thing I'm good at is being rubbish at everything" or something similarly stupid. So there is a cause to my negativity. However I absolutely HATE being a 'negative' or 'quiet' person. When someone jokingly mentions how quiet I am they are pretty much saying "You are what you hate, you are a failure". So being 'depressed' is sort of part of my character, and it is really holding me back in life. I REALLY want a girlfriend, just someone who actually cares about me that I can talk about too, but obviously no girl wants to be with a miserable, negative person such as myself. I'm not that bad looking but I guess I'm seen as unattractive because of this. I look around at people my age and I am the ONLY unhappy person. People seem to think I'm a bad/weak person because of how I am. The stereotype of 'depressed teenager' seems to only apply to me, and no one is understanding or caring.
So, going back to my initial question, how do I pretend to be happy? I think what I need to do is make myself feel like a normal person, instead of being trapped in this pit of bitterness and failure that is getting deeper and deeper. Maybe if I can pretend to be confident I can get more friends, maybe even a girlfriend, and this will solve everything? I have always resented the need for people to become part of society to feel safe and happy, but maybe that is just my loneliness talking? I have this constant feeling that my 'depression' is just some stupid thing I have made up for myself (particularly going through the threads on here) so I don't have to face the fact that I am an extremely lazy, socially inept person. I don't know. I'm getting really pissed of with myself and how I am. Thoughts?

P.S. There is quite a bit else I would like to talk about but I thought I should keep this relatively focused.
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Old 12-15-13, 07:06 PM   #2
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As a starting point, you might want to look into getting a book on cognitive behavioural therapy. CBT aims to give you more balanced alternative thoughts (not necessarily positive) to your negative thinking. Once you are able to recognize your negative automatic thoughts, it will be easier to challenge them, and become less negative.

I found it to be particulartly appealing because it was something that I could teach myself without having to visit a therapist. You could try searching the internet if you'd like to know more about cognitive behavioural therapy and how it works.
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Old 12-17-13, 01:11 AM   #3
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You have no reason to feel stupid for what you're experiencing. Everyone has their own struggles to deal with, and yours aren't any less real than anyone else's. And everyone experiences depression differently.

I completely agree with udevi about CBT. If you do have access to a therapist, it might be worth talking with him/her. There could also be something biological going on, and it might be worth exploring with a professional. I know meds are a touchy subject, and I don't particularly enjoy taking them. But for now, it works.

If you don't have access to therapy, maybe look into something through your school. I know my high school had two counselors on staff whose sole job was to help students through these kinds of issues.

I see myself in quite a bit of what you've written. The bitterness and negativity, I had all of that during my high school years. I was formally diagnosed and forced into therapy as well. I didn't socialize with others unless it was necessary. I went to school, came home, did homework, and went to sleep. Heck, I never had any kind of relationship beyond "friend" with any guy in high school. I also felt that depression was just who I was. But during college, I've learned that depression doesn't define me; and I don't think it defines you either. Plus, I had found a treatment plan that worked for me.

College broadened how I viewed the world and other people. I also learned that there's a lot more people out there who have sought help for depression that I had once thought. Some people are just really good at hiding it. And, there are those who do actually care when someone they're friends with is struggling.

As far as faking confidence, there's actually some importance in that. The whole "fake it 'til you make it" thing actually has some truth to it. There's a TED talk about it: <www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.ht ml>.
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