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This is a discussion on Hello within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hi, I am a 22 year old Canadian male. I joined this forum because I wanted to talk to somebody ...

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Old 04-14-17, 01:52 PM   #1
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I am a 22 year old Canadian male. I joined this forum because I wanted to talk to somebody about my feelings and how to cope. I hope this is an ok place.

I cant stop thinking about how in the near future the people I love the most are going to die. whats the point of living without them? I don't understand how others get over deaths of close friends and family so soon.

I know someone who said his cat died and he said he was over it in 2 months. My dog died of cancer 4 years ago and I still feel really sad about it, and I think about it a lot. I have nightmares about being with her while she was sick before she died, hoping she will live. I feel terrible when I wake up.

My mom was in ICU for 2 months last year, they said she wasn't going to live. She did, but its just a matter of time before it happens again. She has lupus now on top of her fibromyalgia that she already has had for decades. I doubt she could survive an episode like that again. My Grandma lives with us, she is old and will die soon too. I still have one dog, he is the brother of the dog who died 4 years ago. He is 12 now. He will die soon and has a lot of health problems.

I will be all alone.

I don't know how I could go on when the next person or pet I care for dies. How do you cope? I can only think of killing myself after it all comes crashing down to escape it all, but I'm scared. I don't believe in any religions, but what death is scares me. I keep telling myself its just the same as before I was born, but I am still scared. I guess its just the survival instinct all animals have. I have to leave during lunch time at work cry alone in my car. My mom knows about my depression, but since she came back from the hospital, i have been trying to hide it more from her, for her sake. I don't want to hurt anymore. I have my friends, but they are not the same as my family.

I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 8 years old and take 80mg fluoxetine (prozac) every day. I've seen therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers. They never really help me that much. I feel like nobody can help me. The only thing that helps is my Prozac.

I try not to worry but it gets harder as time goes on. I've been terrified of people I care about dying since I was very young, probably about 6 years old.

What should I do? What can I do? I'm so lost in this world.
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Old 04-18-17, 10:13 AM   #2
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Hello Desperado,
While I have been lucky enough to not lose any family members, I have lost many pets and I understand how painful it is. I cried for days and I felt so alone. However, about three days after the first pet died, I met up with some of my friends. They had heard about my cat dying and one of my friends told me about her dog, Lady, who had died, and said she understood how I felt. I was so relieved and felt much better after that. Just remember that you aren't alone- death is a natural part of life, and everyone has lost people in their lives. There is always someone who understands what you're going through, you just need to find those people and talk to them. It will make you feel better, trust me.
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anticipatory, cope, death, depression, dying, grief

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