I am a 22 year old Canadian male. I joined this forum because I wanted to talk to somebody about my feelings and how to cope. I hope this is an ok place.
I cant stop thinking about how in the near future the people I love the most are going to die. whats the point of living without them? I don't understand how others get over deaths of close friends and family so soon.
I know someone who said his cat died and he said he was over it in 2 months. My dog died of cancer 4 years ago and I still feel really sad about it, and I think about it a lot. I have nightmares about being with her while she was sick before she died, hoping she will live. I feel terrible when I wake up.
My mom was in ICU for 2 months last year, they said she wasn't going to live. She did, but its just a matter of time before it happens again. She has lupus now on top of her fibromyalgia that she already has had for decades. I doubt she could survive an episode like that again. My Grandma lives with us, she is old and will die soon too. I still have one dog, he is the brother of the dog who died 4 years ago. He is 12 now. He will die soon and has a lot of health problems.
I will be all alone.
I don't know how I could go on when the next person or pet I care for dies. How do you cope? I can only think of killing myself after it all comes crashing down to escape it all, but I'm scared. I don't believe in any religions, but what death is scares me. I keep telling myself its just the same as before I was born, but I am still scared. I guess its just the survival instinct all animals have. I have to leave during lunch time at work cry alone in my car. My mom knows about my depression, but since she came back from the hospital, i have been trying to hide it more from her, for her sake. I don't want to hurt anymore. I have my friends, but they are not the same as my family.
I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 8 years old and take 80mg fluoxetine (prozac) every day. I've seen therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers. They never really help me that much. I feel like nobody can help me. The only thing that helps is my Prozac.
I try not to worry but it gets harder as time goes on. I've been terrified of people I care about dying since I was very young, probably about 6 years old.
What should I do? What can I do? I'm so lost in this world.