Just recently I had so many plans. They were ambitious. I felt kinda excited.

Then I met a guy. It was wrong from the first minute we met, from the beginning, but I bypassed all the red flags and still proceeded to become close with him. It ended badly. He said some horrible things, called me names and I ended up blocking him. That was new bad experience for me, that left me feeling broken and in a bad place.

Since then I can't get back up spiritually and emotionally. I am trying to go back to all of my plans and get excited again.

And then I sit down and think "why do I do that I do everyday: go to work, make plans, eat, work out, and etc. What is it all for?" My whole life seems pointless again.

I stopped talking to my ex. Lately on those rare occasions when I felt good and excited about something, he seemed to find a reason to put me down. I thought that was mentally unhealthy for me.

I have this guy, that I met a year ago and went out 3 times in that year and blocked on my phone and told him to stop contacting me and threatened him to report him for harrassement and yet he calls and texts from other numbers and I can't get rid of him. This makes me feel like I am suffocating from manipulation from other people.

I met a big celebrity few days ago. I have a friend who is a friend of that celebrity. I posted a pic with that celebrity on my FB. All girls from work saw it and guess what...no one put a like on it. They are so jealous and hateful that they didn't even want to put a freakin like on a pic. It is hard to be in an environment where people hate you so much.

That friend who made arrangement for me to meet a celebrity is hitting on me badly. He is so annoying and persistent and forceful that I feel anxiety where I almost want to throw up when he texts me or calls me. But he is a friend of a friend and I am trying to be polite, but my politeness is taken as weakness. And he told all of his friends that I am his girlfriend.


All of these things make me very anxious and depressed. I want to run away from all of those jealous hateful people from my job and from all of those men, who could care less to get to know me as a person, a human, but just want to jump in my bed.

And then when I am home alone, I feel so lonely, so isolated, like there is no one in this world who really cares about me. I had this feeling a short while ago and I worked so hard to get rid of it, and I had an illusion that I stopped it, but here it is again, making me so down, that the first thing in my mind when I wake up is to end it all and a wish that I'd rather never wake up again.

It seems to me that in your statement, "there is no one in this world who really cares about me", you have identified the heart of the problem. To be cared about is a basic need of human beings. We're pack animals by nature. We need to have a sense of where we belong in a social structure and we cannot get that if we feel outside of all social structures.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs was a theory that had human needs arranged in a triangle, from the most basic needs at the bottom to the higher level needs at the top. He theorised that the basic needs have to be met before people can even focus on the higher level needs. Or in other words, the higher level motivators will have little to no motivational value if your base needs aren't being met.

I wonder if the big knock to your sense of security in breaking up with your ex somehow pulled the rug out from under your sense of purpose. You had plans and ambitions but when compared with the basic need to feel loved they paled into insignificance. When our core needs are being met we can often find a smile for the most trivial of things. When our core needs are being starved we struggle to find light from anywhere.

You also talk about your frustrations with guys who are putting too much unwanted attention on you and are making you feel crowded and making you feel like you have to be polite when you really just want to scream and tell them to leave you alone. Again, this could translate as you feeling that people are neglecting how you are feeling, i.e. your feelings are not being valued.

The same again could apply with the lack of likes towards a nice situation that you found yourself in.

To me it all adds up to your basic need for someone to see you, hear you and love you. When you are out and about you are surrounded by all kinds of unwanted attention but at least it's attention and some part of you is trying to at least get some value from that. When you go home alone you are left with your thoughts and your emptiness.

This is all speculation on my part based on what I am reading into what you are saying.

Your plans and ambitions haven't lost any value, they are still as important and interesting as they ever were. YOU are as important and interesting as you ever were. Unfortunately we can't always get independent validation of that when we need it, but it's very important that you keep reinforcing your belief in yourself and the validity of yourself as a person of value. We are best equipped to get good things when we are the most secure in our value.

Finding true, understanding love isn't easy and many people take a good while to find it. It's trial and error, we kiss plenty of frogs before we find a prince or princess. This is due in part to the fact that we learn as we go and we develop as we go. Some people get lucky and others just develop quicker. It's a bit like with driving tests, some pass first time and others take 50 attempts.

Understand that feeling how you are right now is both understandable and temporary. When the rug is pulled out from under you it's natural for the skies to turn grey for a while. But we generally find our centre again in time and I'm sure you will too. Keep on reassuring yourself on all things until such a time as you start to believe in them again. We have a brain and a heart in order to balance each other out. Emotions without control would be crazy. Control without emotions would be inhuman. Apply logic and sense to your feelings whenever you can, if only as a second opinion. It's amazing how much you can retrain your feelings given time and practice.

Super147, you are absolutely right about everything you said.

The rug was pulled from under my feet 3 years ago.

I left my husband, and went to live in a different state and city with my best friend. I felt positive at that time. I got a job immediately, started making great money, bought a car, made some savings, had great plans for the future.

Until my friend became so jealous one day, she kicked me out and since then we have not communicated ever again.

When I left her, and moved to live alone, I thought I was strong enough and it wasn't a big deal. But it turned out to be like if I was stabbed in a back. My heart was broken and pieces of it were scattered everywhere.

Besides kicking me out, she also started badmouthing me and since the community is sort of small, I lost all of the friends (I thought they were) that I had and learned that there were many people that were jealous of me for my progress in life and they used that moment and that opportunity to put me down even more.

I went through a long deep depression.

Slowly I tried different ways to recover, it took me a long time to make a little progress. And in the beginning of this year I felt strong and positive and ambitious again, like I haven't felt in the last 3 years.

Then I met this last guy, that I liked. And it's been so long, since I really liked someone. I knew he will break my heart and it will end at some point, but I thought after all I am strong and this will not bother my peace.

But I was mistaken. He used me, he called me names, he left me broken and empty.

And now all of a sudden I am back to square one.

Besides I feel that he is talking bad about me.

I recently saw 2 of his friends on one event. They never met me, but by the way they both looked at me, it was obvious, they knew who I was and they didn't seem friendly at all.

It's like all of the people around me are trying to suffocate me with loneliness and invalidity. I often times have to remind myself that I am a human and I have an identity that I need to protect, because everyone who comes my way tried to put tags and labels that don't belong to me.

How to recover? How to do it faster than slower? I don't want to waste anymore of my time.

Just thinking that I spent almost 2 years in a suicidal depression, thinking how much money I spent on binging food and alcohol, how much damage I made to my health, I can't repeat this again.

I need help.

I am so sorry that the rug was pulled from under you. I know you worked so hard to accomplish your goals and sacrificed to accomplish them. It really sounds like you could use some real friends in your life to help you rebuild. Some real positive feedback to get things jump started. Just curious, did you find anything on meetup.com that caught your attention? Even if it were just working out or branching out making network contacts or even something social like connecting with nature... perhaps amateur photography? Idk what you are into, just a thought. I just feel you are a good person deserving of kindness, respect, friendship and happiness. We all know here how much you try, I strongly feel you WILL get there. Please hang in there.

Thank you Dax for always being here for me. I hope you are doing fine yourself.

By now I am convinced, that the people here where I live are always going to be this way, because the whole city is transitional. People come and go and those that stay are not the best ones. Town is run by greed, alcohol, drugs and everything immoral. There are no values here. Most people that live here make good money, but they are not intelligent, or waste those money for alcohol and other similar stuff.

Many ppl told me before to leave, to move to a different state. But the money keep me here. I always used to be poor as long as I remember and only here I got financial break, where I go to the store and I don't look at the prices.

But I guess I sold my peace, my joy, my mental stability for this cash. And I don't know where to find courage and support to break free from this and move on.