Endless depression
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Endless depression

This is a discussion on Endless depression within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Yet another day of nothing to do. No place to go and no vision in sight. When you are left ...

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Old 02-04-13, 04:10 PM   #1
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Yet another day of nothing to do. No place to go and no vision in sight. When you are left alone and have no interaction with other humans you start to become paranoid, constantly anger, perpetually frustrated as insanity slowly begins to take over. I used to just be depressed. I used to want to find a way to get over the frustrations in my life. However, as time goes on and the problems persist, I am starting to wish for the failure of others.

I am starting to show the signs of delusion and insanity. First, I have finally cut off my family. I have added all their names to a block list so none of them will be able to reach me. I am so tired of repeating myself about my misery and continuing to listen to their useless ideas. I know my family cares, but when I die then suddenly they will wish they were really there for me. I am tired of empty offers and promises so as much as I love my family I have turned off my Facebook and decided to die in spirit before my actual death.

Next I have stopped taking my medication. Social Security have turned off my low income support so I can't afford my meds anyway, so I have stopped worrying about it. This was my last chance with HIV anyway so without the meds I am sure to die. SSA may have actually done me favor.

Finally, I have really stopped eating for health. I have been unable to make it to dialysis so my health will not last but I don't care any more. I am sure there are other people on the earth going through the same thing. It is ashamed there are 7 billion people on the planet because no one is any good to anyone in need.

Last edited by Ella; 02-18-13 at 05:34 AM.
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Old 02-04-13, 06:50 PM   #2
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Wow nyghtcloud, I feel your pain in all honesty. I go through phases like that off and on throughout my life. I believe that there are a lot of shitty people out there in the world and I'm pretty positive that bad shit happens to them too (something to look forward to ;) ) I've blocked my family from me for quite some time and sometimes that's what it takes to really learn to appreciate them. As far as facebook is concerned, I try to stay away from it when I get depressed because people are so fake on that site. (family and friends included sometimes -_-' ) Please, don't give up. I know it seems like the gods just took a big dump on you but I've learned that sometimes you got to hit rock bottom before you can really see the light. There are good people in the world, you just have to sift through millions of idiots to find them. * Big hug* :) Try to stay busy with things that you do enjoy or even just sitting outside and people watching can trigger some interesting things. who knows, maybe you might meet some person worth embracing. Keep your head up, friend.

Last edited by LunarWolf; 02-04-13 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 02-05-13, 11:27 AM   #3
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Lunar thanks for the words. One of my biggest issues is that I am stuck in the apartment all the time because there is no transit where I live. Also, the people I know I have only met since moving here. I don't really have anyone I can rely on. So I spend 99% of my time just sitting in the same room over and over again and that has been the case for nearly 2 years now. I moved here and it seems the entire state is cold and distant and very shortly I will be dead if I don't get the right medical and emotional support I need. I thank you again for what you said. I wish things could just as easily be fixed but unfortunately I am in a place where things can only get worse. My hope is gone and there is no one who is on my side. I will die alone, No one cares and I will die needlessly. Thanks but there is no hope left for me.

Last edited by Ella; 02-18-13 at 05:39 AM.
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Old 02-05-13, 05:59 PM   #4
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Oh that does sound unpleasant. :( Have you tried mingling with these people you just met? Maybe if you got to know them a little more you might develop a really good friendship? Sometimes we have to take step out of our comfort zone to make things happen. It's not always fun but the results usually end up pretty good and it would be a good incentive to get out of the house for a little bit. And for those times when you are home maybe pick up a hobby, try something new? I am kind of a hermit sometimes myself and I know how it can make you crazy! I moved out to Oceanside about a year ago and I don't know many people here either, not to mention, that most people out here suck pretty bad. I still push myself to get out so that I don't go mad lol.
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Old 08-01-16, 06:56 AM   #5
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When depression never goes away. It's a real thing people fail to recognize. I'm 21 years old and i feel... i don't feel anything. I never even had a life, while you did. Yours is horrifyingly awful and i wish i was there to make not end up like it.

But , i won't tell you what others do when facing someone like yourself. senseless comforting, and how there's hope at the end of a tunnel.

I know all too well how it feels to be told that things aren't as bad as they seem and remain unable to accept that. only getting more and more driven into madness.

Why am i here at all writing this message? Well for two reasons. 1. I was inspired by your post about "endless depression"...it's so relatable of a topic to me, more than you can ever possibly imagine. and 2. to say thanks, for being the one person who introduced me to this site.

Maybe just maybe i can if not help myself, spend the last days collecting some more insight on what others have dealt with, and perhaps attempt to help. despite in most cases it remaining futile, since online support is nothing compared to the one you'd make next to them.
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Old 08-01-16, 07:02 AM   #6
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With that said above... You're not in vain. You won't ever be. You will never be pointless like life made you believe you are. Just by taking your time to make this one post you've already made a difference. Because even when things ultimately end up going wrong, we can still slow down the process. Because of the things that we do.

This just shows how much little things by themselves can make a difference.
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Old 08-01-16, 07:06 AM   #7
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And lastly. I don't care who sees this. I don't care if anyone cares about anything i say or do.

I simply did it unconditionally. and i will never expect recognition. no matter what.

Even if i had been given all the care and love in the world, i still wouldn't get better. it truly doesn't matter what happens to me. As far as i'm concerned i wasn't meant to exist at all.

edit: don't bother messaging back if you do whoever you are. i won't reply to your reply.

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Old 08-07-16, 12:00 AM   #8
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I too can relate to endless depression. I am on this earth right now because in my mind, to kill myself would be the cruelest thing I could do to my family. I do not have any ambition, no motivation, I can not see any point in anything, my life or anyone else's life. I just keep on pushing through each day because I wake up and am still alive so I feel like I have to. There are brief moments of contentment, perhaps a distraction can distract my continual negative thinking, but at the end of the day when I settle into my bed, I am only grateful that I get to sleep for a while which means I will not suffer for a while.

I found this forum recently hoping for at least a connection, and at best a bit of relief from this endless cycle of what I call perpetual motion, by finding others who are feeling the same way.
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